Still Breathing
by Lolabean07
Summary: Leah left La Push after Paul broke her heart and vowed to never return. For the past three years she's been in a contractual relationship with Edward and only now is returning home to help Bella and Sam plan their wedding. Can Leah and Paul overcome the mistakes of their pasts to forge a future together? Or will it be too much. All-human. Banner by mmsimpy09.
1. Prologue

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

**AN: Yes, I know I already have several WIPs but this story is screaming to be told. I liken it to Twilight without the supernatural with a dash of 50 shades and of course an homage to Chels' This is Gonna Hurt.**

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Prologue

Perhaps an email wasn't the best way for her to deal with the situation she found herself in but—she didn't know what else to do. Lately, their relationship had become stale and worn. She no longer was sure why she had agreed to his terms in the first place.

Then there was the fact she was going _home_. For the first time in over four years she was going to set foot in La Push. She didn't count the few days she returned to bury her father. That was a blip on the radar screen so to speak.

It was during her return home for those few days when she saw everything she dreamed of in front of her face—not hers but belonging to someone else. The fact her cousin—sister—best friend walked up with her swollen belly and expected her to be happy for her. Who does that?

One person—Emily Young.

The fact there was a life growing inside, one that belonged to Emily and Paul—_her _Paul. Or at least he had been hers until that fateful day when he confessed his mistake. Perhaps had there not been a child it was something she could learn to look past—but she couldn't.

She ran—far from La Push and vowed to never return. But here she was returning to help her stepsister plan her wedding. It seemed as though everyone around her had the happiness they longed for.

The closer she came to La Push, the more her thoughts strayed to the reasons behind her bargain with the devil himself, Edward Cullen. The whisper of his name was enough to make her body tremble in desire and fear. He knew her darkest secrets, desires, and needs and above all understood her need to _submit_ to him.

He was a dark beacon that she was inexplicitly drawn to. He was the one she called _master_ while he had her on her knees begging for his touch. And maybe that was why she broke it off the way she did.

He would come for her—punish her and that was exactly what she wanted…what she deserved.


	2. Chapter 1: Bruised and Scarred

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

**AN: I'm not sure how this is all going to work out but I think the chaps are going to be short and sweet (okay maybe not sweet more angst than anything) but we'll see.**

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Chapter 1

Bruised and Scarred

The road home was familiar and it appeared nothing had truly changed since she was gone. She had changed but La Push, it remained still as breathtakingly beautiful as the day she had packed her meager belongings into a suitcase and left. Leah Clearwater had come home.

She turned onto the gravel road which would take her to her childhood home. The place where she and her older brother, Seth had grown up; a place where fairytales seemed to come true as she watched with envious eyes the love her parents had for each other. But she was older and wiser now and fairytales weren't real. The princess didn't get saved from the evil witch nor did the prince show up.

As she pulled into the driveway she breathed a sigh of relief noting only one other car in the drive. It would give her enough time to compose herself before facing her family. The family she had run from.

She grabbed her two suitcases from her trunk and dragged them to the porch. Her hand froze in place as she reached for the door knob. This wasn't her—this weak pathetic creature that was afraid of her own shadow. Her disgust for herself burned though her and she found the power to twist the knob and entered the house.

_The taunting whisper of his voice in her ear inciting her, "I think you're nothing more than a scared little girl. You don't know what you want and you're not ready to play this game."_

She remembered the exact moment when his husky voice had whispered that to her. It made her remember the fear that coiled in her belly as she realized he was right. She wasn't ready but oh, how she wanted to be. She had vowed that night to prove him wrong and she had.

"Leah," Bella greeted her as she encased the older girl in a hug throwing her slightly off balance.

They had become reluctant friends. Their friendship spurred by their mutual _loathing_ of Emily. It also helped when after her dad died that Charlie had become a rock to her mom. Eventually, he became more; a husband to Sue and a step-father to Leah and Seth thus making Bella for all intents and purposes their sister.

She dropped her suitcases and her arms wrapped around Bella returning the gesture. Their friendship had mostly been maintained through late night phone calls and Skype sessions. It was on her shoulder that Bella cried when that _bastard_ AKA Jacob Black fucked her over.

It was a story similar to Leah and Paul—high school sweethearts, each other's firsts for everything, and planning a future together—the whole bit. It seemed Emily liked to go after what others had and Bella had Jacob Black, therefore it was what she wanted, too. Unlike Paul, Jacob didn't make a one-time mistake; it was nearly a year of _mistakes_ and who knows how long Bella would have been kept in the dark had she not caught the two of them in the act.

So, she did the sisterly thing and let Bella cry until there were no more tears left. Then she looked at her sister and told her to get over him. No man was worth wasting your life wondering what you did wrong. It was like she always said; _do what you love and fuck the rest._ And Bella did just that.

Bella poured her emotions into her writing and managed to write a book. While not on the New York Times' bestseller list, it did have its own small following. In the book, Bella had managed to weave a tale composed of Quileute folklore and the modern world. The struggles presented to a small band of _spirit warriors_ as they struggled to balance their duty and responsibility while fending off attacks in the supernatural world. The ending of it wasn't perfect either. The protagonist not realizing until it was too late—that the love she desired wasn't found in either man who desired her as she thought but within. Her last thoughts were of how had she only listened to the little voice inside her head that she could have been truly happy.

It was a heart-wrenching tale that Leah found herself crying for the first time in years when she read it. She connected with the heroine in a way she hadn't connected with anyone in a book before. It made her think of how she had assumed something was wrong with her when Paul cheated on her. Or how her relationship with Edward meant something was wrong with her.

There was nothing wrong with her. It was time for her to prove it to herself and that meant she wasn't going to let anyone chase her from La Push. This was her home and she was going to stay for as long as she desired.


	3. Chapter 2: Mad World

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

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Chapter 2

Mad, Mad World

It wasn't long before the two girls had brought Leah's belongings to her old room. Seth had long since moved out and Bella had taken over his room. The two of them sat on Leah's bed and caught up with one another as they enjoyed a batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies.

Bella would never admit it but she was nervous. And when she was nervous she baked. She had been plotting with Sam—the two of them had been plotting for some time and their wedding seemed to present the perfect opportunity. It was time for Leah to come home—it was time for her to see all that she had walked away from. Family, friends, and yes, even Paul.

Paul had been no more than a pawn in Emily's schemes. That _girl_ was nothing more than a trashy whore. She had been jealous of her cousin's happiness and had found a way to destroy it.

When Emily approached Leah at Harry's funeral, flaunting her swollen belly for all to see—Bella had seen how it nearly broke her. And the _bitch_ had done it on purpose. It was the reason why she had gripped Paul's arm and sobbed loudly during the funeral. She loved the attention.

Bella hated her with everything she had—she hadn't known she could dislike someone so much but apparently it was possible. Her eyes narrowed as she thought about the latest trick Emily was up to. La Push was a small community and therefore everyone's business was _everyone's business_. Leah coming home was talked about at every small business on the rez and even around Forks.

Leah had graduated with honors with a degree in Nursing and minor in business. She was head of the marketing department for Cullen Pharmaceuticals. She travelled the world promoting and selling their products. Their market share had increased ten-fold in the year since she had been promoted. It seemed men of the business world took notice of the leggy caramel-skinned girl who had the ability to capture their attention with just a glance.

She was proud of her sister. Coming from so little to become such a force; she realized after she started dating Sam how downtrodden and poor the people of the reservation were. How few opportunities they were presented to make their lives better. And how hopelessness seemed to be a reoccurring theme—it was weaved through the very fabric of their lives. The hopelessness spurring depression which often lead to dabbles in the dangerous pursuit of getting a high from alcohol or drugs which further exacerbated the chronic unemployment.

It was a vicious cycle and those that were lucky enough to escape it, often did. Never returning. Rachel and Rebecca Black came to mind as two who had seen the opportunity to escape and they did. Perhaps that was why _he_ had done what he did—he didn't have the experience of what it was like to hold your sister as they cried over some _asshole_ who broke their heart.

It was the opening of her eyes that made her first notice Sam. He, too, had come from so little but was determined to make a difference. He was the same age as Seth, four years Bella's senior and travelled back and forth to Port Angeles to get his degree in Addiction and Family Counseling. He wanted to give back to his people, the same ones who struggled so much.

His goal was to take the shame away from accepting help. Together with local businesses he helped sponsor a food drive and establish a food bank in La Push. He found government grants and funds to help get residents back on their feet and he encouraged the younger tribe members to study hard and helped find scholarships and grants aimed at helping Native Americans get a college education.

She loved him. It was as simple as that. His passion for his tribe and how he wanted nothing more than to have its members feel pride with their native roots. If she was honest with herself, part of the book she had written was inspired by him. She saw him as the quintessential spirit warrior.

_Her heroine was flawed and clumsily human; lusting after two supernatural creatures who never really understood who she was. Only seeing the outer shell, not the person inside who longed for something more. It was the heroine's downfall. The two men who loved her—or thought that they did._

_Mortal enemies of each other. They tore her in two. One by being the cause of her death and the other simply because he wanted her to choose—the heroine couldn't choose. She tried but she couldn't. In the end, her lack of ability to make the decision was her downfall and as the abomination ripped through her abdomen, she realized what she wanted._

_The light was blindingly bright and it grew brighter as she floated towards it. All she wanted was to love herself. There was nothing wrong with being alone—you had to learn how to define yourself; not have others define who you were. _


	4. Chapter 3: Wicked Game

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

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Chapter 3

Wicked Game

The buzzing of her phone broke through the girls' conversation. Leah flipped it open and her stomach dropped as she read the words.

_We have much to discuss. You're lucky I'm on business right now. We'll discuss your punishment soon. _

She dropped her phone as if it had the power to burn her. Suddenly, she regretted how she had left things. In the three years since their relationship began she had learned how to navigate it. The phone buzzed a second time and she noticed Bella was staring at her strangely so she picked it up and read the message.

_I'll take your silence as a sign you recognize what you've done. Don't think you can be contrite now. You knew exactly what that missive would do…perhaps you wished for me to punish you? _

She gulped a single time. Was it the truth? She had known he wouldn't be pleased by her breaking things off in an email. She had discussed months ago how she was going to go to La Push for the summer. His father, Carlisle had even given her the time off.

She had even mentioned to Edward that she wasn't sure of their relationship any more. While she loved how he was able to tap into her secret desires—she wanted more. And she wasn't sure he could be that.

The biggest reason being their entire relationship was forged by a five page document—one that explained exactly what their roles were, what was allowed and what wasn't. While she trusted him to not hurt her—she wasn't sure her heart was something he wanted. He wanted her body—her _submission…_

"You okay," Bella asked her concerned. "You look a little pale."

She took a single shuddering breath in, "Yeah, fine, just fine. Just…umm…my boyfriend…ex…I'm not sure where we are right now," she brazened. "I thought it would be best to take a break for a bit…you know make sure he's the one or whatever."

"Oh, you don't think he is?" It was the first Bella had heard of Leah dating and her curiosity was peaked.

"No…I don't know. We've been together for three years," she laughed breezily. "You think I'd know by now, right? But it's complicated."

Bella's mouth dropped open as she asked, "_Three years_? This is the first I'm hearing about it. I've told you everything about Sam and our relationship but why have you kept it a secret?"

She looked away guiltily before replying, "Cause I know you, Bella. You'd be planning my wedding right along with yours. Like I said it's complicated. I don't even understand it sometimes."

Bella looked at her stepsister and wondered exactly what was going on in her head. By no means, did the addition of some _boyfriend_ mean she wasn't going to do what she could to get Paul and Leah back together. It just meant it was going to be more complicated.

She let the matter drop knowing Leah was more than able to hide her thoughts and feelings. Now wasn't the time to push her. That would come later. First, she had to work on her plans for Leah to see how Paul was different but yet the same the boy she had fallen in love with. And this time around, there wasn't going to be a man-stealing whore to interfere.


	5. Chapter 4: Insensitive

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

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Chapter 4

Insensitive

Dinner was an interesting affair. Prior to Charlie marrying her mom, Leah had very few opportunities to get to know him. He had always seemed to be a quiet and reserved person but something about Sue Clearwater brought out the social butterfly in him. He discussed his day, laughing loudly at the antics of a few teenage boys he had pulled over and then his latest fishing trip with Billy Black.

It seemed as though Jacob no longer had any time for his father and as such, both Sam and Paul had stepped in to help Billy out around the house and with errands. The Black roof had been in need of repair for several years and the past weekend while he and Charlie had been fishing, Sam and Paul had taken care of it for him.

He asked Leah about her job and life in Seattle. Scouring for whatever details she was willing to share. He wanted to let her know while he could never take the place of Harry, he wanted her to see him as someone who could be important to her.

"Yeah, both those boys are good kids," Charlie enthused as he spoke of Sam and Paul. "I'm so glad my Bells is going to marry a good man like Sam who will take care of her. It's a shame about Paul—to be a single parent. No offense but Emily Young is a piss-poor excuse for a mother. To abandon her child like that and now she's trying to take him to court to get custody? She's the one who signed away the rights to the baby moments after she gave birth. I don't understand how any woman could do that," he finished shaking his head sadly.

She couldn't help it but she snorted. It was like there was a conspiracy between the _Swans_. Bella had raved about Paul earlier that day and now Charlie was joining in on it? Everyone's gaze flew to her and she blushed; her face turning bright red.

"Sorry," she mumbled. "I was thinking about something odd that happened last week."

"As I was saying, sooner or later, Emily's going to get exactly what she deserves. And poor Billy to have to put up with her in his home. It's a good thing Sarah isn't here to see what her son has become."

"Dad," Bella interrupted. "I doubt Leah wants to hear you talk about Jacob. I know I don't want to."

"Of course, baby girl. I can't help but be angry about it all. I encouraged your friendship with him from the beginning," his eyes turning misty as he gazed at his daughter. "You know my job is to protect you from anyone or anything that could hurt you?"

"I know. Now knock it off. You're embarrassing me."

Leah watched the interaction between Charlie and Bella; her thoughts turning to her father and how much she missed him. He had been her rock along with Seth and her mom when Paul broke her heart. When she cried tears for her lost love and tried to learn how to stand on her own. Her mind wandered back to all the times she and Paul had shared.

_They had grown up together and had been in the same grade. He had been her childhood tormentor. Calling her names and pulling on her pigtails when they were in grade school. She remembered her first crush, Brady. He had been a grade older than her but they met at the roller skating rink in Forks every Friday for three weeks. It was how one dated in junior high._

_She remembered how Paul had glared at the two of them. Finally, she worked up the courage to confront him. She had stopped him in school one day, her hands on her hips and a fierce look on her face when she asked, "What's your problem, Paul?"_

"_You are," he retorted. "Why him? What's so special about him?"_

_She had been taken aback by his words. He had always been mean to her and everything he did seemed to be done to get a rise out of her. _

"_I don't know what you mean," she answered. She didn't understand his anger at her._

"_Whatever, Leah. You just don't get it. You're just a stupid girl."_

_He walked away from her and never saw the tears that welled in her eyes. She ran to the girl's bathroom and hid for the rest of the day. Soft sobs leaving her lips as she tried to figure out why Paul hated her._

_When she got home she asked Seth about it. He was three years older than her and maybe he would be able to explain to her what she had done wrong. She cried in his arms as she told him what had happened._

_He laughed at her softly, his big strong arms holding her tight. "Leah, he likes you. That's why he's so mean to you. Boys don't know how to tell you how they feel."_

"_Oh, really," she asked as she peered into her brother's eyes, trying to discern whether he was telling the truth or not._

"_Yes. Paul's had a crush on you for years. Anyone can see it. I bet he's torn up about you and Brady. He probably thinks he missed his chance."_

Like any juvenile relationship, she and Brady only lasted a few short weeks. Her interest in Paul grew and she waited for him to make a move but he didn't. It was years later when they were freshman in high school when she decided she was going to pursue him. She asked him to the winter dance and from that moment on they were inseparable.

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**AN: And in case you noticed, nothing about this is canon. I'm paying no mind to ages, birthdays, etc. I'm using the characters how I need to, instead of making up OC's. Now don't forget to review!**


	6. Chapter 5: A Little Taste

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

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Chapter 5

A Little Taste

She went to bed that night her thoughts consumed by her memories of Paul. The awkwardness of their first kiss and how the first time when they held hands one couldn't tell whose hand was the cold, clammy one. He made her feel things she didn't realize were possible—what it was like to love someone and be loved equally in return.

As she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep a litany of firsts flashed in her mind; whispered words and gentle touches—how he knew every inch of her body and she in turn knew his just the same. She should have known those magic moments wouldn't—couldn't last forever and as she clung to the edge of sleep; the part where the dark meets the light and defeats it, the nightmare was only beginning.

_She remembered utter loneliness when she first arrived in Seattle. So far from everything familiar and no recognizable faces. There was also the longing she had for touch—any kind. You didn't realize how grim your life was until you didn't even receive the simplest of touches; a hand covering yours, the whisper of someone's lips on your temple, or the feel of an embrace._

_She tried dating but she couldn't—she didn't want the aspects that came with a relationship. The commitment, trust, time, and the scariest part of all—giving yourself over to your partner and allowing them to hold the most fragile part of all in their hands. Your heart._

_One night stands didn't work for her either. It was too impersonal and then there was always the fear of unwanted consequences. And one never knew if the person you met at a bar, club, or party would understand what "no" meant if you needed to say it._

_She needed something that was permanent but without the deeper emotions a committed relationship had. It was how she ended up in the club which catered to a very specific clientele and their needs._

_It was mid-way through her sophomore year when she went there for the first time. She had heard about it from a friend, who heard it from a friend, and so forth. No one was willing to admit they had experienced or entered the club. A shameful secret that you didn't share with anyone._

_She remembered what she wore that night. A pair of skin tight black jeans and a forest green corset top; the outfit was completed by a pair of stiletto's purloined from her roommate. She kept her hair and makeup to a minimum; simply trying to showcase her natural beauty._

_When she arrived she felt overdressed but underdressed at the same time. It was the oddest feeling. As she glanced around and took in her surroundings, she was overwhelmed by the dreamlike nature of it all. There were women wearing much less than her and in circumstances she wasn't sure were legal to be happening in a public place. Some had jewelry and adornments which spoke to their status within the culture._

_There were people of both sexes who were submissives—waiting on their masters to give them direction. Their posture and gestures subdued, gentle, and almost reverent towards their "keepers." She nearly turned and ran out the door._

_But she needed something—and she wasn't sure what it was but this could be what she was looking for. What she longed for. So, she walked over to the bar and ordered a drink._

_She was on her third vodka cranberry when __**he **__showed up. He was everything Paul wasn't. Pale skinned with pale pink lips. His hair wasn't just brown but a mixture of golden, brown, and slightly red strands. It was tousled and even she knew he spent time making it look as though he had tumbled out of bed looking like that._

_His well-formed body was encased in a pair of black trousers and blue button-up shirt with the top two buttons undone. The shirt was still neatly tucked into his trousers without a single wrinkle in sight._

_But none of these were what stood out to her…it was his eyes. A brilliant emerald green that reminded her of the forests of La Push. For some reason his eyes made her feel like she had returned home._

_So, she stayed near the bar only two places away from him and tried to do everything in her power to get him to notice her. Shy, sly glances towards him and even a bit of flirting as she requested her next drink with a cherry in it. She plucked the cherry from her glass and held it aloft. Her tongue reached out and stroked along its smooth flesh before she pulled it into her mouth. Her teeth biting into the delicate flesh as she savored the tartness of it._

_He was in her personal space within moments. His hand on her thigh and travelling upwards; she couldn't help it but she gasped the moment his hand landed on her cloth-covered pussy and pressed down firm. Her belly quivered in need and rush of moisture leaked from her hot center._

_His words haunted her, "I think you're nothing more than a scared little girl. You don't know what you want and you're not ready to play this game."_

_He was right. He pressed firmer against her one last time and chuckled before he backed away. She ran from the club as if it was on fire. As she stood out in the cool Seattle night, she tried to catch her breath and cool her overheated ardor. _

_She might not be ready now…but she would be soon._


	7. Chapter 6: Skin

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

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Chapter 6

Skin

Leah woke up the next morning uncomfortable and unsatisfied. Her memory-filled dreams which only further heightened her arousal. It seemed the unsatisfied desires her dreams had—was now in her waking hours.

The uncomfortable ache had her reaching her hand underneath the thin cotton shorts she was wearing. She had barely dragged a single finger against her swollen clit before guilt overwhelmed her. _The fucking contract_.

Five pages which outlined how Edward _owned _her body and many of its simplistic functions. She didn't touch herself in any possibly pleasurable way without his permission. She hadn't in three years. It never bothered her because he kept her more than satisfied. And, well, she had learned how pleasurable it could be when she denied her orgasm for hours.

This was a dilemma. Did she try to establish contact with him—get his permission to _relieve_ the ache her dreams had caused? Or did she take care of it and suffer the guilt she knew she would feel? Which then presented the problem—she couldn't lie to him and if he asked she would be truthful.

So, what was it that she desired the most? Relief? Punishment? Or a combination of both?

As she debated her choices, options, alternatives—whatever you wanted to call them; she also weighed the pros and cons of each. A shudder racking her body as she realized it didn't matter what she selected the choice was the same.

Before she could re-think her decision, she grabbed her cellphone from the nightstand and dialed his number. Her stomach twisting and turning into knots as she waited for him to answer. Almost too late, she realized he was in London making it an eight hours difference between their two time zones.

Punishment was in her future—it was one am. There was no way he was still awake, not if he had meetings in the morning. She was quite familiar with the rigors of travelling for business. One barely got over their jet lag and non-stop rounds of meetings before you were hopping on a plane to the other side of the world.

_Fuck_ she swore internally. The phone had rung too many times and she couldn't just hang up—he would know it was her.

His groggy voice answering, "Hmm, Leah, you must have a good reason for waking me up."

"I'm sorry," she whispered trying to convey contriteness for her actions. "I forgot the time zone change and once I did…I couldn't hang up. I don't…I need…I don't know…time or something…I'm not sure…"

He chuckled softly which unnerved her even more. "So, you don't want to discuss the _punishments_ coming to you right now?"

She inhaled sharply but didn't respond to his words. It wasn't really a question though it was phrased as one. It was a statement, a fact. By ignoring it she could hope he would too.

"Silence, interesting. You normally don't have this much trouble expressing yourself. I wonder what's going on with you, _lilla_."

She whimpered at the sound of his name for her falling from his lips. _Lilla_, Swedish for "little one" and that was just one of many languages he had mastered.

"Nothing, sir," she muttered.

"Hmm, well if it's nothing then I guess I'll tell you goodnight."

"No…please…don't…I need..."

"I love sound of you begging. Tell me what you need, _lilla_. I'm feeling generous," he purred in her ear and she shivered.

She blushed even though he couldn't see her. The confession tumbling from her lips as she explained her discomfort, her need. How she had awoken this morning her thoughts and body focused on him.

"I see."

There was an infinite silence before he stated, "Just this once but I want to watch and hear as you come apart."

She nodded; completely forgetting he couldn't see her.

"What's your answer, _lilla_? You want to show me how you can make yourself come?"

"Yes," she hissed out.

She got out of bed and locked her door before grabbing her laptop from its case. Turning it on, she waited until she could connect to the internet and thus Skype so she would be able to video chat with him.

Once she was connected and could see him on the screen she requested one final thing, "I need to turn on some music; I don't know who's home right now."

He nodded once to her giving her permission. She followed his instructions as she placed her laptop so he could have a view of body from the bottom up, so to speak. Her shorts and tank top were quickly removed and tossed into an unknown corner of her room. Then she reclined her body on her bed, resting her head a few pillows so she could keep her eyes focused on him.

A single earbud was placed in her ear so she could hear any directions he gave her. She began slowly; softly touching her skin. Her fingers ghosted along her curves; her breasts, the dip of her navel, and her inner thighs. She purposely avoided the area where she needed the stimulation knowing if she _dived in_—he may very well tell her to stop.

She could feel the moisture oozing from her and wondered if her flesh appeared to be glistening. Her tongue darted out to lick her suddenly dry lips at that very thought. Finally, she heard the words she had been waiting for.

Her hand dipped into the soaked folds of her pussy. She spread her flesh, opening herself up further to allow her to stroke herself easier but also to his view. He said he wanted to watch and she would give him a show.

Her middle finger circled her nub, applying pressure while she teased the hidden bit of flesh, trying to get it to come out to play. As she worked herself closer and closer to climax, her body arched off the bed and her thighs quivered. She bit her lip trying to hold in her soft cries of pleasure.

"I want to hear," his husky voice commanded her and she let loose a low moan.

It was moments later when she shattered, his name falling from her lips as she arched upwards a single time and buried two curled fingers into her core. His final instructions once she recovered enough to respond were simple, "Clean yourself."

She brought her fingers to her mouth and laved the flesh clean. The tangy taste of her arousal was enough to nearly bring her to climax again. She was satiated for now.


	8. Chapter 7: Requim on Water

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

**AN: I'm a bad, bad writer...I told myself that chaps couldn't be longer than 1K words...and this has broken it by 500. Damnit. Though I should pat myself on the back because I did manage to shave off 50 words and not lose what I was trying to say. BTW tissues might not be a bad idea.**

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Chapter 7

Requiem on Water

She made her way downstairs after a shower and finding a comfortable outfit for the day. Her mom was in the kitchen reading the paper and sipping on a cup of coffee. The house was nearly devoid of any sound.

"Morning, honey," Sue greeted as she glanced up from her paper. "There's still some coffee left in the pot. Both Charlie and Bella left already for work."

That explained why it was so quiet. It was only her and her mom. She grabbed a coffee cup from the cupboard and poured herself a cup of coffee adding the tiniest amount of sugar. Before sitting down she put a couple slices of bread in the toaster.

It was surprising to her as she made her breakfast how nothing in the kitchen had seemed to change. Everything she needed was in the same place it had always been. She found herself automatically reaching for what she wanted and it was in the exact same place she kept it in her own home. Where she kept the dishes, silverware, butter, preserves—all of it was so deeply ingrained that she could have been blindfolded and still found what she desired.

"You're quiet today. Everything okay?"

"Yeah, just tired, mom. I didn't sleep well last night. You know, different mattress, linens, and sounds," she shrugged as she was unsure what she was trying to convey.

"I suppose. It's been awhile since you've been home."

She nodded in response; again trying to ignore the underlying issue and hoping her mom wouldn't see a motive to continue the conversation. She didn't want to try and answer her reasons for running away—avoiding her family for so long. As she sat down at the table and started eating, a knock at the door prevented any further discussion.

Sue walked over to door and opened it; revealing someone she hadn't seen for years. Her first glimpse of him showed that he had changed too. No longer was this a teenage boy with the remnants of boyish softness to his features. This was a man.

His skin was the same russet color she remembered and his eyes still just as intensely black as before. His midnight hair was cropped short and barely styled. He must still struggle with those few cowlicks that always gave him problems. That was where the similarities ended between the boy she knew and the man that stood before her.

His cheeks and jaw line were composed of sharp angles; the lines weren't softened by any lingering plumpness which often remained. In his arms was a small girl, a feminine miniature of him. Chubby, rose-stained cheeks and a riot of black curls surrounded her face; a pair of wide hazel eyes which were framed by eyelashes that reminded her of feather dusters.

She watched in silence as her mom reached to take the girl out of his arms. The girl moved into her mom's arms without hesitation, obviously at ease with her. And then she heard his voice for the first time and it struck something deep in her which she thought was long buried.

"Thanks so much for this, Sue. I really appreciate you doing this on short notice. I'm trying to pick up a few extra shifts at the prison. With Emily taking me to court," he paused sighing. "Lawyers don't come cheap."

"It's fine. I'm more than happy to help when we can. You just worry about work today and I'll take care of her."

"Alright. Bye, princess, you be good for Auntie Sue today," he instructed her before leaning down to kiss one of her cheeks.

The tiny girl giggled in response and waved a chubby hand in a gesture of goodbye as he turned and walked back out the door he had come through only moments earlier. Her mom turned and brought the girl to the table and sat her in one of the chairs. Then, she moved away and began preparing breakfast while she chatted back and forth with the girl.

Leah found herself tugged abruptly back into memories of her former life. It made sense that her mom would still be caring for Paul in some way. Even though he had cheated on her daughter, he had become a son to her and Harry; especially after what happened shortly after his seventeenth birthday.

_It seemed like only yesterday when it happened. Midway through their junior year of high school when tragedy struck and she remembered everything about the day. It was another cold, dreary January day in Northwestern Washington; a Tuesday if one wanted to be specific._

_He didn't show up for school. That was strange as he rarely missed a day. He was one of those kids that got awards at the end of the year for having perfect attendance. She tried calling him between first and second period but he didn't answer. After second period she sent him a text, frantic with worry. It wasn't like him to not answer a text and when she didn't receive a response—she couldn't take it, so she left school and drove to his house._

_His house was dark, not a single light was on and if she didn't know better she would think it was abandoned. The house itself was in various states of disrepair. His father, Matt was an alcoholic and had been for years. He drifted from job to job—usually losing one just as soon as he got it. His mother, Beth was a small, quiet woman who was afraid of her own shadow._

_That wasn't surprising considering Matt wasn't the nicest drunk and often felt the need to show his "love" with his fists. Things changed as Paul got older and though he wasn't muscular—his height and weight were enough to keep his father from terrorizing mother._

_She walked up to his front door and knocked, waiting anxiously for him to answer. After a few minutes she walked around to the side of the house and tapped on his window. The window was too dirty for her to see inside so she couldn't tell if he was in there or not. Finally, she walked around to the front of the house and pulled the key from its hiding spot._

_Unlocking the door, she walked in and called his name softly. Each step further into the house and towards his room filled her further with dread. Something was terribly wrong; she could feel it in every fiber of her body._

_She found him in his room. His back was towards the door and he was curled into a ball. His shoulders shook and her heart thundered in her chest at a furious pace and somehow she found the strength to move those final few feet until she was standing at the edge of his bed._

_She crawled into his bed and curled her body around his. Softly crooning soothing phrases to him until he was finally able to tell her what was wrong. Charlie Swan had presented himself on Paul's doorway late last night._

_It appeared his parents had spent the afternoon and much of the evening at the bar. His mother had stopped drinking years ago but often could be found by her husband's side. Matt had lost another job and was drowning his troubles in spirits—and not the spirits that could offer him any peace._

_When they went to leave, Beth begged to drive home but he refused. An argument started between the two of them and despite several other patrons trying to intervene—he roughly grabbed Beth by the arm and pulled her outside. The two of them getting into his beat-up Ford truck and peeling away._

_Charlie wasn't sure exactly what happened. Whether they swerved to avoid something or Matt fell asleep at the wheel. Either way, the truck veered off the road and slammed into a tree with enough force that it swung around and the passenger's side was also slammed into another tree._

_Neither one was wearing their seatbelt. His father's injuries consisted of crushed bones and lacerated flesh. His mother's injury was better or worse—depending on how you looked at it. She was tossed like a rag doll in the cab of the truck. Her head striking the glass with such force, her spine was severed. They were sure she died instantly. His father was alive when the first person arrived on the scene but died before the paramedics arrived._

_Paul was now an orphan. His parents were only children and his grandparents were long gone. He had no one to worry about his welfare—no one to care about whether he took care of himself or not._

_It was then that Harry and Sue stepped in. The tribal council granted them temporary guardianship and allowed him to remain in his childhood home. The Clearwaters become a support system for him and ensured that he used the Social Security he received to pay his bills and buy food along with finishing high school._


	9. Chapter 8: Still Breathing

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

**AN: I'm so proud of myself! Much better word count this time. BTW the song related to this chapter was the inspiration for the title and the story in general-check the song and band out on Youtube: Mayday Parade. Last thing, I think I forgot to mention while this story is linear...there will be continued flashes back in time to tell the story of what happened, I'll try not to confuse you too much and if you have questions/comments, I'm more than open to PMs. ~Lola**

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Chapter 8

Still Breathing

"Fuck," Paul Lahote swore the moment he closed the door to the Clearwater house. He had seen her, noticed her, and for some reason his mouth couldn't form the simplest of words. Three syllables were all it would have taken for him to acknowledge her. _"Hi, Leah."_

Simple. Easy. Right? Obviously not. She was still as beautiful as the last time he had seen her. Only this time her face wasn't blotchy from tears she cried as she said her final goodbyes to her dad. There wasn't a wrinkle furrowing between her brows as she tried to stay strong.

While he might think back to the days _before_ he had a hard time thinking of the days _after._ After he told her what he did; the exact moment he broke her heart and every moment after that. It didn't mean he no longer loved her or he didn't want her. He did with everything he had in him and he liked to think he was different from that stupid, naïve boy he had been. The one who had been duped by Emily. But it was too painful.

_It was only weeks after their graduation and there was a bonfire on First Beach. Everyone from their graduating class was invited—actually there weren't really invites. It was a known fact that if you were a recent or past graduate of La Push High you could join in on the fun._

_Leah hadn't felt well and had called him earlier that day to tell him she was going to stay home and rest. The cold, damp weather had irritated her asthma and though she rarely needed to take medication for it; rest was definitely in order._

_He was surprised when he received a text from her much later that evening telling him she was going to meet him on First Beach so he showered and changed clothes before heading to the beach. The party was in full swing and he looked for her but after not seeing her; he made his way over to a few people they graduated with. _

_He rarely drank but at some point someone, Jared, maybe brought him a beer. As he chatted and socialized with his classmates, he ended up having one, then two, and so forth. He wasn't sure how much time had gone by before he realized she hadn't shown up. He sent a text and waited for her reply._

_He worried that something had happened to her and was ready to call her house when Emily appeared by his side. He had met Leah's cousin a few summers ago. He got along with her for Leah's sake—there was something about her that was off or didn't seem right. He wasn't sure._

"_Hey, Paul, I didn't expect to see you here," she greeted._

"_Umm, yeah, I decided to come after Leah texted me telling me to meet her here."_

"_Oh," his eyes narrowed in her direction as she looked away remorsefully._

"_What," he asked as his gut churned._

"_Nothing…I shouldn't say anything…" she mumbled, biting her lip as she looked at him._

"_Emily, what's going on? Is it something with Leah?"_

"_I'm sorry," she whispered. "I don't think she meant to send that text to you."_

_His heart nearly shuddered to a stop at her words. Why wouldn't Leah want to meet him here? Who was the text meant for? He didn't understand. His mouth dropped open as he tried to suck enough oxygen in his lungs to restart his heart and stop the blackness trying to encroach into his vision._

"_Paul, I think Leah's cheating on you. I heard her talking on the phone earlier tonight to someone," she said with sympathy exuding from her eyes as she continued, "I'm not sure but I think it's Brady. He's in town for the weekend, you know."_

_Brady Fuller. The only person he had ever seen as competition for her heart. How he had loathed those few weeks when Leah's eyes sparkled whenever he was near. After graduating last year he had made something of himself by becoming a pitcher for the Mariners._

"_You don't look so good," she placed her arm on his and began to pull him off to a quieter area of the beach. "Come on; let's go sit down over there. I'll grab you some water to drink."_

_He blindly followed her lead. His only excuse was that he was in shock. He no longer knew which way was up or down. His thoughts were in turmoil. She wouldn't do something like that, would she? He had known her forever. He knew all her secrets along with her dreams and hopes. She was his other half._

_He barely remembered anything of what happened next. He now was sure that Emily didn't bring him water but something stronger. The pounding of his head and nausea the next morning was his first clue._

_That and the fact when he opened his bleary eyes — __**she **__was in his bed. And by she, he didn't mean Leah. He had never been so ashamed in his entire life. Even if, Leah had done the unthinkable, it didn't give him the right to sleep with Emily._

_The moment he managed to get Emily out of his house, he showered and put on clean clothes. He then scrubbed every surface of his house that __**she **__may have touched. The sheets he ripped from his bed were thrown in the trash. He didn't want to have a single memory left of the night._

_Lastly, he made the call. The thing he feared more than anything—he couldn't hide the truth from her. Within moments of her arrival, he realized what Emily had said about Brady and Leah was a lie. She looked miserable and tired; he could hear how her lungs wheezed with the tiniest effort it had taken to walk from her car to his front door. _

_She didn't even greet him immediately; instead she reached into her purse and pulled out her inhaler and took several puffs from it. Once the task was completed, she was in his arms and he struggled against pulling away from her. He had fucked up and if she didn't forgive him—it was no more than what he deserved._

_They walked into the living room together and sat on the couch. Slowly, the tale began to leave his mouth. He left out small parts—those pertaining to Emily's deception. He was almost sure but he couldn't prove anything. She cried, tears spilling down her cheeks when he finally confessed the worst part._

_Miraculously she forgave him. It was a "speed bump" and she wasn't ready to throw away three years of their relationship. Ten weeks later she wasn't so forgiving when Emily came forward and announced her pregnancy. He had assumed, wrongly so, that he had used protection. Now it wasn't only the fact he had slept with someone else but he was going to be a father._


	10. Chapter 9: My Immortal

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

**AN: Tissue warning. I'm sorry guys...maybe I need to change my name to the Queen of Angst.**

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Chapter 9

My Immortal

It was the tapping sensation on her leg that pulled Leah from her musings. She blinked a few times to clear the vestiges from her vision before focusing on the small girl who looked up at her curiously.

"You're pwetty."

She was speechless; a thick painful lump balled in her throat and her eyes began to burn with tears. _What had she thought for all these years?_ Paul's replica didn't wait for her to respond before continuing.

"I'm Amelia but evewyone calls me Melli. 'Cept for papa he calls me Mia." Amelia's hazel eyes fixated on Leah's and she declared as she stuck her chubby hand outwards, "You can call me Mia."

A broken sob left Leah's throat as the tears fell free from her eyes. She pushed her chair away from the table abruptly. Amelia running over to Sue and wrapping her tiny arms around Sue's legs was the last thing Leah saw before she ran from the room.

_It was a child, an innocent child. Not some monster who intended to ruin her life and destroy her happiness with Paul. All these years she had thought or imagined the baby to be an unknown entity and something completely different than what it really was. Until she laid eyes on his daughter—she hadn't even know the baby was a girl. _

She slammed the door to her room shut and locked it. She was a monster for having those awful beliefs. In her head she had rationalized the baby to be something from a horror movie—like _Rosemary's Baby. _A demonic creature from the loins of the devil's right hand woman, Emily.

The moment she knew of the pregnancy, she shut herself off from Paul, Emily, her parents, and her brother. She simply waited for the two weeks she had until she left for university. Paul turned down his hard-earned scholarship the moment his impending fatherhood was announced.

At the time she didn't see the gleam in her cousin's eyes as Emily rested a hand on her lower abdomen; appearing to lovingly cradle it. All she saw, felt, and heard was her pain. Her own agonizing sobs that tore from her body as a hurricane tore across the coast; it left destruction in its wake.

And her parents, she couldn't even imagine the position they were placed in. Paul had been such a fixture in their life for so many years—they were his family after his parents died. Then there was Emily—their niece from Sue's side of the family. She had been staying with them that summer and they felt accountable, or liable for what happened. Lastly, there was their daughter—caught in the middle of it all.

So, she ran as far as she could at eighteen years old and seemingly without funds or skills. That just happened to be the University of Washington in Seattle. She vowed to never return to La Push again. She couldn't stay and watch; torturing herself with what could have been.

Fate though had other ideas for her. It was two days after Valentine's Day when Seth called her. The phone ringing in the middle of the night jarred her out of a sound sleep.

"_Hello," she answered as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes to glance at the clock. Three am. Why would anyone call this late?_

"_Leah…" her brother's voice on the other end cracked midway through saying her name. "It's…dad. He had a heart attack."_

"_What," she interrupted, sitting up in bed abruptly startling her roommate. "He's okay…isn't he?"_

_The silence from the other end was deafening. Her lip quivered and she convulsively swallowed against the lump in her throat. "Seth…please…tell me," she begged._

"_Lee, he didn't make it. They did everything they could but…I'm sorry. He's gone."_

_She broke down at his words. Her father, the strongest yet gentlest man she knew was gone. He had taught her how to ride a bike, to swim, and to fish. He never minded that her version of fishing usually required her wearing a dress and her patent leather dress shoes and it involved them coming home without any fish as her giggling and constant chatter most likely scared away them._

_He was supposed to be the one to walk her down the aisle; giving her to a man who was truly worthy of her heart. And she would never see the look on his face when she placed her first child in his arms. There wouldn't be another holiday—Christmas, New Year's, birthdays—none of them with him. And she had missed so many opportunities to go home for just a day or two in the past six months._

_She didn't remember the rest of her conversation with her brother. Her roommate, Kate sat next to Leah, putting her arm around her and comforted her while she sobbed. The next morning after falling into a fitful slumber Kate helped her pack a bag so she could return home for the week to say goodbye to the only man who was guaranteed to never hurt her._

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**AN: *clears throat* BTW some of you have been awesome and reviewing which I love...though there is a little place I can go and look at my stats and I've had 900% more visitors than reviews so don't be shy. Tell me what you love, hate, hell tell me my story sucks (okay I'm lying about the last one) but reviews are my _payment_. ;)**


	11. Chapter 10: Barely Breathing

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

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Chapter 10

Barely Breathing

She fell asleep and when she woke a few hours later her eyes burned along with her face feeling puffy. Getting out of bed, she unlocked her door and headed to the bathroom. She gazed at her features in the mirror—barely recognizing the person starring back at her. She splashed cold water on her face to soothe her tear stained skin.

It seemed to be eternity that she stood there before she finally felt ready to go downstairs and face whatever was waiting for her. When she reached the bottom of the stairs her eyes were drawn to her mom.

Sue was in her room—their room, she supposed now. Amelia was fast asleep on the bed; her features soft and still. She watched as her mom pulled the thumb Amelia was sucking on out of her mouth before leaning over to kiss her temple. Amelia didn't stir and her mom turned the very next moment to face towards her.

A gasp wrenched from Sue as she noticed Leah standing there. She placed a single finger over her lips in a gesture for quiet. Once she reached her daughter, she looped her arm through Leah's and walked with her to the living room.

It was at times like this Sue wished they had handled things differently. That she and Harry didn't allow Leah to run like she had. That was the crux of the problem—as much as Leah liked to _believe_ she had dealt with everything, she hadn't.

As they sat together on the couch, one arm tugged Leah closer while the other reached over and stroked Leah's hair in a soothing gesture. The silence was broken by Leah's soft words, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare her."

Sue sighed and squeezed her a little tighter before replying, "I know. She's young but resilient. They always are at that age. I told her you were sad about your _papa_."

"Mom…I'm a horrible person. The things I thought…" she confessed softly.

"Honey, is that what's wrong? I know you never dealt with everything that happened. I didn't forgive him at first either and your cousin—I still haven't forgiven her. I just can't but Paul…" she trailed off as she remembered the moment she was compelled to let the past remain where it belonged—in the past.

_Sue was woken by loud pounding on her door. It had been almost two months since Harry's death and the house was always so quiet. But every strange noise was magnified at the same time. The squeak of a floorboard as she walked over it, the creak of the house as it shifted and settled, and the sound of the wind as it whistled through minute cracks._

_She got out of bed quickly, grabbing her robe while glancing at the clock on her bedside table. Three am. The witching hour as her great-granny used to call it. Nothing good ever came from it._

_She heard the sound of rain as it pounded on the roof and the clattering of the shutters as the wind tried to remove them from their perches. Once she reached the front door she flipped on the porch light but her hand remained stationary on the knob. Fear racing through her veins—had something happened to Seth or Leah?_

_There was only one way to find out. She took a deep breath in and out and opened the door. Standing there soaking wet was Paul. In his hands was a baby carrier with one of those waterproof covers thrown over it. A diaper bag hung from his shoulder. The sound of the baby's wails reached her ears._

"_I'm sorry, Sue," he spoke loudly over the crying baby. "I didn't know where else…who else to go to."_

_She took in his features; the dark circles and bags underneath his eyes. The dark shadow of stubble on his chin and the slight pallor to his skin. There was no doubt in her mind, he hadn't slept for days._

_Without a word, she ushered him in the house. His wet jacket was hung in the hall closet and she passed a kitchen towel to him for him to dry his head and face. She glanced down at the baby carrier and there was only a moment's hesitation on her part before she pulled the cover off and reached inside to pull out the wailing pink bundle._

_Holding the baby close to her, she began to rock her gently trying to soothe her. The two of them stood there in the kitchen while she did everything she could think of—checking the diaper, examining the baby for any abnormalities that could cause her distress, and peppering Paul with questions._

"_I've tried everything. She's barely slept—I've barely slept for two days. Nothing works. I've checked and done everything the books say to do. All she does is cry."_

_She nodded in response and he continued, his gaze faltering from hers as he revealed his secret, "I can't take it. I'm afraid that I'll do something to hurt her," he whispered._

_In that moment a revelation occurred within her. Paul had no one. She and Harry, Leah and Seth had been his support, his family and now he was alone—a single father with a tiny baby. And she remembered when they brought Seth home and then Leah home three years later how important having a support system was._

Sue looked at Leah to gauge her reaction to what she had shared. Her daughter's face crumpled before her eyes and she sniffled, blinking rapidly to hold back her tears.

"He and Amelia stayed with me for just over six months. You didn't come home that summer and Seth had just graduated from college. Then he decided to go on that cross country trip with his friends. By the time summer was ending, he had a job and a place in Port Angeles so it didn't matter that Paul had taken over his room."


	12. Chapter 11: Story of a Girl

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

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Chapter 11

Story of a Girl

Time passed too quickly while Amelia napped in the next room. Slowly, she told her mom small details of her life in Seattle. Things she didn't mention during their weekly phone chats. Edward was one of those but she didn't tell her mom everything—only the barest minimum. Enough for her mom to ask the questions she had been avoiding.

"Do you love him?"

It was a question no one ever asked her but then again, not many people knew about their relationship. It was a question she hadn't thought to ask herself. And the answer to it didn't come as easily as she thought it should.

"I don't know, I guess."

"There's no guessing about it, honey. Either you do or you don't," her mom remarked.

And Leah tried, she really tried to answer the question but she couldn't. While he fulfilled a need inside her and could be gentle and firm with her all at once; he also didn't push her. He never tried to make their relationship into something deeper; it was as though she subconsciously pushed him away and he recognized it.

She shrugged, unable to answer the question even after reflection. Could she live without him? Sure, maybe. Would she miss him if he was suddenly gone? Of course, their relationship wasn't completely confined to bedroom. They had travelled together and enjoyed dinner and movie dates. Granted, some of those had been to ensure things in their relationship didn't become stale.

"Okay, so you're not sure about your feelings. What about his?"

Again, it was another question she didn't have the answer for. He may have used the word _love_ around her. But it usually was in reference to an action or behavior on her part. Though he did have his pet name for her, _lilla_.

It was much more endearing than some of the names she heard other _Doms_ refer to _subs _as. But after all this time she knew better than try to compare one relationship with another. That was part of the culture; each pairing was unique in how they interacted and what was allowed.

At her lack of response, her mom continued, "See, I think you have a few things to think about. And not that I don't love having you home," she sighed. "I think you're still running. I better figure out what I'm going to make for lunch; Melli will be up soon," she finished as she squeezed her hand once.

Her mom's last words resonated through her; eerily similar to words she had heard only a few weeks ago. _Was it true?_ Had she started running all those years ago and hadn't stopped?

_She had mentioned to Carlisle around mid-April that she might take some time off to go home for the summer. She casually mentioned it had been a few years since she had taken a trip home and her stepsister was getting married. At the time, he didn't say much to her other than if she needed time off, he was more than willing to work around what she needed._

_When she finally approached him three weeks ago to tell him she had made up her mind and would be going home his blue eyes immobilized her as he looked at her in curiosity._

"_Why don't you take a seat, Leah," he asked as he gestured to the pair of chairs across from him at the desk. _

_She sat down, perching her body on the edge of the seat and waited impatiently for him to continue. He was her boss—had been since she started her internship here the summer after her sophomore year. And though she was responsible to report to him, he didn't believe in micro-managing. Marketing had been her department since she had been hired on full-time and he trusted her judgment._

"_First off, there's no need for you to be nervous. I wanted to let you know the moment you brought up taking the summer off, I cleared your schedule and worked out a plan to ensure you could take the time off."_

_She was flabbergasted but grateful at the same time. The guilt she felt at leaving them in a bind disappeared in an instant. "Thank you, Carlisle. You didn't have to do that."_

"_No, I suppose I didn't," he agreed with her; his gaze remaining just as intense as when she first spoke. "It's not my place to get involved in my employee's personal business. This though is one time I've been sorely tempted to. If you hadn't made the decision you had—I was ready to tell you that you had no choice."_

_She interrupted, confused by his words. He had told her not to worry, hadn't he? "What do you mean? Why?"_

"_Leah, over the past few years, I've gotten to know you but one thing has always stood out to me. You never mention your family. Again, it's none of my business but most employees have photos of their family in their offices or might casually mention a holiday gathering or birthday celebration. And you've never taken time off for a trip—other than the ones you and Edward take."_

_She gasped, unaware that he even knew about her and Edward's relationship. They had always been careful to maintain a strictly professional affiliation while representing Cullen Pharmaceuticals. She opened her mouth to protest, apologize, explain—she wasn't sure what she meant to do but he held a hand up, stopping her words before her brain could sort through what she wanted to say._

"_I'm not here to pass any judgments and whatever is between you and Edward—that's your business. He may be my son but I'm not his keeper nor am I yours. My point is I think you're running. I think you've been running for a long time. That's why you don't talk about home, why you've never mentioned your family, and why you've never asked for time off to visit them. I want you to take this time off and enjoy yourself and re-build those relationships."_

"_I will," she affirmed meekly._

_He glanced away for just a moment and when he faced her again, she swore his eyes gleamed with tears, "Take my advice—sometimes what you think you need and what you actually do are two very different things. Don't make the biggest mistake of your life because you're too afraid to face what's happened in your past head-on."_

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**AN: So I thought we'd be to Amelia/Leah time or an interaction between Paul/Leah or even another Edward/Leah moment to paint the picture of their relationship...but instead Carlisle was insistent that he get at least one scene.**


	13. Chapter 12: Through Glass

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

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Chapter 12

Through Glass

Her mom was right as it wasn't long before Amelia was awake and terrorizing the house. The little girl was a bundle of energy and Leah couldn't imagine going to work every day and then having to come home and take care of a child. She shuddered trying to think of what damage this _whirlwind_ could do in her small apartment in Seattle. It seemed to her that as soon as one mess was cleaned up—Amelia was on to making the next one.

Her mom had made a simple lunch and it was something Leah hadn't eaten in years. Macaroni and cheese—her mom's recipe, not the stuff from a blue box bought at the market. As the three of them sat at the table, she watched in amazement as Amelia not only managed to get noodles on the table, the floor but somehow in her hair.

While Sue was cleaning her up, the phone rang and she paused in her efforts to free Amelia's hair of noodles to answer it. The moment she said "hello" she wished she would have glanced at the caller ID first.

"Sandy," she sighed. "I wish I could help out but I'm watching Amelia." There was a pause while the caller tried to convince her; Leah unashamedly listening in.

"Two nurses? Really?"…"And there was an accident in Forks? Great, I suppose that means Charlie will be home late. Dammit."

She saw as her mom glanced in her direction and a light bulb appeared to turn on in her head. "Hold on a sec, Sandy," she said before putting her hand over the receiver.

"Leah, honey, I hate to ask this of you but do you think you could keep an eye on Melli? It would only be for an hour, two at the most. By then either Bella will be home from work or Paul will have come to pick her up."

_What was she supposed to say to that? No? Sorry, mom but those poor people at the Forks Hospital are just going to have to wait a bit longer to receive care._

She glanced once at Amelia before turning back to her mom and nodding. It couldn't be that hard, right? She had been a little girl once. It seemed most of the work was more _damage control_ than anything else.

Sue took her hand off the receiver and replied, "Alright, Sandy, I'll be there in 40 minutes. Leah's going to watch Amelia. You owe me for this."

The next ten minutes where a flurry of activity as her mom finished cleaning Amelia up and then writing down every possible emergency number she could think of for Leah. Fire, Police, Hospital, Poison Control, 911—the works. Leah was surprised her mom didn't also write down the numbers for the FBI, CIA, and NASA. One never knew when they could be attacked by criminals, terrorists, or aliens.

Despite the humor she found in the situation it didn't mean she wasn't nervous. She hadn't really ever had an opportunity to babysit anyone growing up. It seemed as though most of her parents' friends had children either just a few years older than, a year younger than or her own age. When her mom came out of her room a minutes later wearing a pair of navy blue scrubs; she almost cried—suddenly not wanting her mom to leave.

Sue crouched down to Amelia's level. "Melli, there's a lot of sick people who need my help today. So, you're going to stay here with Leah for a bit. Your papa will be here soon but in the meantime I know you'll have lots of fun with Leah."

"Sick like me when my tummy hurts, Nana," Amelia asked.

"Yep, just like that and remember Nana's a nurse so that's her job just like your papa helps make sure people are safe. Do you think it will be okay for me to help them while you stay with Leah?"

Amelia peered around Sue to look at Leah. Her head cocked to the side as she contemplated. After a few moments she turned back to Sue and nodded.

"Good. Now give me a hug goodbye and I'll see you soon."

"Love you, Nana," her small voice rang out as she wrapped her tiny arms as far around Sue as she could.

Sue stood up and looked at Leah, a small frown appearing on her face as she noticed her daughter's greenish color. She walked over to her and embraced her tightly as she whispered, "You'll be just fine."

With those parting words she was out the door; leaving Leah and Amelia all alone. The two of them starred at one another as if evaluating the other's measure. It was Amelia who broke the tense silence.

"Come on," she started as she grabbed Leah's hand and tugged her towards the living room. "I show you my toys."

Leah followed her into the living room and sat down on the floor with her. Amelia introduced her to each of her stuffed animals and dolls. Each one had some special story of who they were or who she got them from. She found herself smiling as she was completely and utterly captivated.

At some point, Amelia's hand landed on her knee and the next words healed a tiny broken piece of her heart, "Nana said you miss your papa. They don't know I know but Bumpa and Nana miss him, too."

She watched as Amelia stood up and walked over to one of the end tables to grab one of the pictures. She brought the picture over to Leah and then began to point out the people in it. "See that's your papa and my Bumpa. Bumpa likes to fish and he takes me 'coz your papa took you when you were little like me."

"And," she continued, "When Val-tines comes Nana cries but me and Bumpa know how to cheer her up. Then she smiles."

She choked up a bit as tears gathered in her eyes. Blinking rapidly to stop them she softly replied, "That's very nice of you, Amelia."

Amelia giggled at Leah; her tiny hard coming to cover her mouth. She pulled it away a few moments later to declare, "You're silly. 'Member? You call me Mia, not Amelia."


	14. Chapter 13: Everybody Talks

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

**AN: Here's a little bit about Evily coughs I mean, Emily.**

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Chapter 13

Everybody Talks

Paul decided to stop at the diner and pick up a pie as a way to thank Sue for helping him out. The babysitter he had hired had called too late for him to figure out an alternative and he needed the extra shifts when he could get them.

As he stood in line waiting to order the pie he wanted he found his thoughts wandering to the day Emily had essentially abandoned Amelia. He could barely believe the gall of her—after all these years she suddenly _changed_ her mind? Hardly. He knew exactly why she was doing what she was doing. It didn't take him long to figure out Emily only did things if it benefitted her.

_The day he attended Harry Clearwater's funeral was in the top ten worst days of his life. The only good thing was he would get a glimpse of Leah. He hoped she was happy and things were going well for her. At least one of them deserved to be happy after this whole mess occurred._

_He fidgeted in his dress clothes. The collar of his shirt was too tight and he didn't have money to buy a new one. Every dime he made was being saved in order to provide for his soon-to-be born child. His daughter._

_He glanced at the woman standing next to him and kept his features as free of emotion as he could. How horrible was it that he hated this woman? The mother of his child. He wished he had never set eyes on her._

_Without looking, he knew the moment Leah entered—Emily went into actress mode; sobbing loudly and clutching at his arm. He was sorely tempted to tell her to "shut the fuck up." But that would have only brought more attention to them._

_He could see the looks people were passing their way. He knew exactly what people said about him. Oh, to the people of the tribe—Emily was a sweet, innocent girl and he was simply her seducer. How they had worked that out he wasn't sure. Considering he had been with Leah and only her since the beginning of high school._

_He managed to make it through that day without resorting to violence or curling into the fetal position and sobbing. Things didn't get better though as Emily approached her due date, she became increasingly bitchy. He was a "no-good piece of shit just like his father" and she could "do so much better than him." If it wasn't for the fact his child was growing inside her—she would have been kicked to the curb long ago._

_The day she went into labor, she refused to allow him anywhere near her. In fact, she told the hospital staff he was stalking her and she was in the process of getting a restraining order against him. Rather than argue—he left._

_He only knew she had given birth because of her two second phone call telling him so. "It's a girl like they said," she said tersely and then hung up. He sat on the couch and started at the phone, listening to the dial tone; he didn't understand what he had ever done to her to make her treat him like this. Not that he wanted to be with her but from the moment she announced her pregnancy—he had tried to be as close to what she needed as he was able to._

_Four days after her phone call he received another. This time it was from the hospital staff. "Mr. Lahote," a stern voice greeted him pausing for the barest moment so he could respond "Speaking."_

"_Perhaps, you're not aware of Washington law but we are very close to reporting you to the authorities for abandonment."_

"_What?!"_

"_Your daughter is a healthy infant and should have been discharged two days ago. While I understand circumstances may be unique. The child's mother has terminated her parental rights leaving you her sole guardian."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_Exactly what I said. You need to take your daughter home or the authorities will be notified and she will be placed in the state's custody until alternative arrangements can be made."_

_His heart thundered frantically as he realized by staying away from the hospital he had essentially left his infant daughter at the mercy of strangers. The moment Emily called him and told him she was born, he should have just went to the hospital. Damn the consequences._

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**AN: I didn't research WA law so I'm not sure what the circumstances are re: what constitutes abandonment. Every state is somewhat different and I know several do allow people to leave their infants at a hospital or clinic within 30 days without facing penalties. As for whether WA allows this I don't know and if they do...it wouldn't work for this story...so I'm choosing to ignore it.**


	15. Chapter 14: Sorry

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

**AN: And finally our long awaited interaction between Paul and Leah...I hope it's what you thought it would be.**

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Chapter 14

Sorry

It wasn't until he was leaving the diner that he realized instead of ordering a cherry pie which was Sue's favorite he had ordered apple—Leah's favorite. He decided he would tell Sue he had a craving for apple pie but knew he wouldn't be able to eat the entire thing himself so he thought he would have a slice with her and then let her have the rest.

He knew he was being delusional and chances were she would see through his thinly veiled story but he had to try. Lately the entire Clearwater-Swan clan along with his best friend, Sam Uley seemed to be trying to push him into Leah's direction. And that was before she had returned home; he had no idea how much worse it would get now that she was actually in La Push.

At least when she was still in Seattle he could laugh at their attempts. None of them were thinking of the distance—and he didn't just mean emotional but the physical distance between the two of them. And the last thing he needed or wanted was a long-distance relationship. He had a child to think of and she didn't need to be confused by him bringing a _friend_ home a few times a month.

Even Seth had brought it up to him; asking how he felt about Leah. _How was he supposed to answer that?_ Seth was her brother and he wasn't going to tell Seth that his sister still played a huge part in his fantasies.

As he pulled into the Clearwater drive he noticed there was only one car in it. _Leah's_ he supposed. It didn't seem like the type of car she would drive but then again things had changed about him over the years it made sense they would for her too.

It was a sleek luxury car—he wasn't sure of the year, maybe 2007 or 2008 but it was a black Cadillac CTS. He was sure it had a plush interior with leather seats and who knows what type of buttons and gadgets. It definitely put his late 90's Toyota Camry to shame.

As he pulled his car to a stop he was faced with an awkward choice. Obviously Sue had decided to run some errands and she and Charlie had long since purchased a car seat for Amelia so they wouldn't have to worry about switching it from car to car. Did he sit outside until Sue returned or did he go inside to wait for her?

He ran a hand through his hair undoing his earlier work to tame it. _Fuck it_ he thought as he grabbed the pie and opened his car door. They were going to have to learn to get used to one another again—he was Sam's best man and she was going to be Bella's maid of honor.

He walked to the door and knocked once before opening the door. He called out her name softly, a name that left his lips with more ease than he imagined. "Leah, it's Paul."

As he stood there awkwardly half in and half out of the house he heard the scampering of tiny feet. His eyes widening in surprise as Amelia came bounding towards him. The pie in his hands was quickly set down on the small table in the entryway and his hands reached down to pick her up.

"Papa!"

"Hey, there baby girl," he greeted her as he kissed her cheek. "Were you good today? Or did you scare your nana away?"

"No, papa. Nana had to go help people. Me and Leah were playing."

Adjusting his hold on her, he glanced up and his eyes met Leah's for the first time in over four years. Both of them spellbound and unable to say a single word. He had waited years to see and speak to her again but just like this morning the words wouldn't form.

Leah felt herself flushing as she starred at him. _Why wasn't he saying anything? _she wondered. _What he unhappy that her mom had left her with his daughter?_

"I've only been watching her for just over an hour," she stammered. "The hospital called and they were desperate for her help. I'm sorry."

Her last words shook him from his daze. "Why would you be sorry," he asked with a frown. "It's fine. I'm sure you have more sense than Sam who filled her up on grape soda and cookies the last time he watched her. I don't think she came down from her sugar high for a good week."

"It's just…well, you know I don't have any experience babysitting but my mom said I'd be fine. She left me all kinds of numbers to call if I needed to. Like the fire department and police, the hospital…umm…poison control…" she was babbling and quite aware of it.

He couldn't help it but he laughed. At first he wasn't sure if he was laughing at her or Sue. "Poison control? Did your mom think you were going to be offering up different cleaning products to her?"

Her eyes widened as she realized he was poking fun at her mom. She smiled at him and joked back, "Well, she forgot the most important ones—you know the FBI, CIA, and NASA. It's more likely we would have issues with criminals, terrorists, or aliens. This is La Push after all."


	16. Chapter 15: 100 Years

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

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Chapter 15

100 Years

Despite their attempts to reduce the awkwardness of their interaction, it was an impossible task. It had been too long since they had been around one another and neither knew what was okay to say or ask. So, Paul set his daughter down on the ground. Kneeling down he looked at her and asked, "Did you put away your toys?"

Her head jerked rapidly up and down as she affirmed she did.

He raised his eyebrow at her, "Really? Well, if you say you did that's good; otherwise Nana's going have to put them away and that wouldn't be nice to make her do it. So, are you sure you put them away?"

She tilted her head to the side and Leah realized why the gesture was so recognizable—he did the same thing when he was thinking about something. "I better check," she answered and ran back into the living room.

They could hear faint noises as she dropped her toys into the storage box Sue kept in the living room. While he waited for her to finish up he remembered the pie. He grabbed it from the small table and handed it to Leah.

"I stopped at the diner and picked this up as a thank you for Sue. Well, I guess it's for you, too," he said as he handed her the box. "If you can let her know that I really appreciate her coming to my rescue, I'd appreciate it."

"Sure."

Amelia came skipping back into the kitchen announcing, "Most of them were away, papa, but I put the rest away."

"Thank you, baby girl. We've got to get going. Can you say goodbye to Leah?"

Leah set the pie on the table and then crouched down; it didn't take long for her to realize that children liked it when you met them at their level. It was strange how some of the things today had been instinctive. She had never thought of herself in the role of a mother—it was something she thought perhaps would happen in the future but she never spent her time thinking about it. She was more present oriented—two weeks or a few months were as far as she was willing to look.

Amelia came to stand in front of her; her demeanor shy as she twisted her arms in front of herself and crossed her legs. She hesitantly unwrapped herself and moved closer to Leah and extended her arms. Leah matched her movements and they hugged.

"Bye, Leah. I'll come play here soon. Papa will bring me."

"Okay," she responded; her nose was tickled with the soft sweet scent of baby shampoo and something else, light and flowery—she wasn't sure what it was but it must have been Amelia's natural scent. A small part of her didn't want to let go and it scared her. With that thought she pulled away slowly; the last thing she wanted to do was frighten her again.

Amelia didn't notice her distress and skipped back over to Paul and demanded to be carried, "Papa, my legs are too little to walk. You carry me."

He leaned down to pick her up and she shook her head and waved her arms, "Not that way! Piggy back!"

He turned around and crouched so she could climb onto his back. Once her arms were secure around his neck, he reached one arm behind him to hold her bottom in place. He turned one final time to Leah and they both said goodbye. He used his free hand to push the screen door open and they made their way to the car. Her giggles filling the air.


	17. Chapter 16: Too Late

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

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Chapter 16

Too Late

An hour later when Bella came home from work she found Leah sitting at the table, the pie in front of her and good portion gone. Apple pie was Leah's one and only weakness—her Kryptonite.

"Whoa, slow down there," she jokingly greeted.

"What? It's so good," Leah's words muffled by the fact her face was stuffed with pie.

"When you'd get that?"

"Paul dropped it off."

It was the wrong answer as Bella's curiosity was peaked and the next thirty minutes were spent with Leah retelling every single thing that happened along with every word and glance. And Bella felt the need to analyze everything the two of them did or said as though their actions and words held the secrets of the world.

While she had been scarfing down pie, Leah had time to think too. And she had questions, but she wasn't sure she wanted the answers. Finally after dealing with Bella's inquisition—and she was pretty sure the _Spanish Inquisition _was more enjoyable, she decided to lay the cards out on the table.

"So," she hedged. "Mom told me a bit this morning about Paul and Mia…they stayed here for a while…"

Bella interrupted her, "Mia?"

"Umm…yeah," she flushed and she wasn't sure why she did. "Amelia told me to call her Mia. Said the rest of you called her Melli but I was to call her Mia like Paul does."

"Wow. So what's your question?"

It took some time for her to formulate exactly what she was trying to ask. Bella, like always, was patient with her. Slowly Bella began to answer her question.

"It's hard for me to speak of how it was before my dad and I moved in," she started. "I think after your dad died your mom was lonely. You and Seth were both at school. Then, Paul moved in and stayed here. I think it helped, you know, gave her a purpose. Neither you or Seth came home that summer."

Leah nodded and encouraged her to continue.

"By Christmas she and dad were _official_," she shrugged. "I think they maybe were dating earlier or at least spending time together before December but Christmas was the first time they announced the change in their relationship. Seth came and stayed for a few days. And of course, Paul and Melli were invited over. Seth wasn't very nice that first year. He was constantly trying to get into it with Paul and making rude comments. Finally, dad spoke up. The gist of the conversation was that this house was your mom's and she had the right to have guests and as such, her guests had the right to be treated with respect. And by not treating her guests with respect it was no different than treating Sue poorly. Then he finished it by saying how much he had admired Harry for raising his children to be respectful."

"Holy shit! Did Seth freak out about that?"

"Actually, he was strangely quiet. He barely said another word. Much later I think he and Paul talked and he apologized but I don't really know. Anyways, it just became the routine. Any family things Paul and Melli were always invited and included. By the time dad and Sue married that summer it was as though they had both taken the role of grandparents to Melli."

"Why didn't anyone say anything to me? My mom, Seth, you—none of you three mentioned it at all."

Bella glanced away before quietly answering with a question of her own, "What would've been the point? You never came home—not a single holiday, birthday, weekend, never. It wasn't like we tried to hide it but it didn't make sense to bring it up. I know you and I have only been close the past few years but I've overheard them talk about talking about you. He won't say a word but dad's mad, upset—I don't know…maybe hurt is a better term at your distance to Seth and Sue. It's why they got married in Seattle."

When Bella looked back at her, she glanced down at the pie in front of her. Her stomach suddenly churning and protesting; a single shaky hand reached for her water glass and she took a few small sips to settle it.

"I would've come," she protested weakly.

Bella stared at her directly, not saying a single word and she wavered, "Okay, maybe not…I don't know…it's wasn't an option."

"The thing is, Leah. We all love you but more than that we miss you. It's not just Paul that you chose to leave when you left and I understand your reasons for it but your mom and Seth, they don't deserve it. I'm really glad you're here now and not just because you're helping with the wedding but because I think it's time for you to be part of your family again."

She took Bella's words under consideration. It seemed as if everyone around her knew the things she avoided. Things she didn't care to delve into further and figure out. And when Bella reached her hand across the table and laid it over hers, she didn't pull away. Instead, she enjoyed the gesture of kinship. Another piece of her broken heart was mended—and there were only a million more to go.


	18. Chapter 17: Doll Parts

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

**AN: To the two guest reviewers one calling Sue a bitch and the other stating they knew what would happen in my story and that it was weird...I seem to remember leaving an AN telling you this would be a very different format and not the way I usually write. I've written over 400K in fanfics so I'm trying to challenge myself to do things differently. And as for Sue...I believe the chaps after explain that Paul/Amelia are integral parts of her life and the others. Leah's the one that ran from La Push and this is a story about her facing her past and its demons and healing from it. And calling an innocent child a bastard is very hurtful...marital status doesn't make one child better than another. *steps off soapbox***

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Chapter 17

Doll Parts

When Leah went to bed that night her conversations with her mom and Bella gave her a lot to think about. She came to realize she held Edward at arm's length, so whether their relationship could be something more was unknown. As for her family she could admit she had played a big part in the distance now in their relationship.

At first, it was little things; refusing to come home for the weekend, then birthdays, and finally holidays. After her dad died it seemed there was too much in La Push to remind her of the pain she had felt. When her family offered to come visit her—she always had a ready excuse. Finals, work, or some type of event in the city meaning hotel prices would be astronomical and they should just stay home.

After a while they both stopped asking. Even their phone calls and emails tapered off. Once a week she spoke with her mom for a half hour, occasionally an hour. She and Seth spoke on the phone even more infrequently but they did email each other a few times a month. Everything about her relationships had become superficial.

Surprisingly when she thought about who she was closest to now—it would be Bella. Bonding over heartbreak had cemented their relationship. And while she didn't share everything with Bella—she found herself interested in Bella's life. Perhaps, she lived vicariously through Bella's life—as Bella had what she desired.

And as she drifted into sleep—her mind wandered back to the beginning. The first time she was formally introduced to Edward just after she had finished her sophomore year at U-Dub.

_She had been exceedingly lucky to be one of five who were chosen for a paid __internship at Cullen Pharmaceuticals. It was a dream assignment; not only would it give her an opportunity to learn a bit more of the business side of her degree but it was invaluable experience that would look great on a resume. _

_Her choices expanded so once she finished her degree she could do something other than just bedside nursing or management. She could work for medical product and pharmaceutical companies or be involved in research and clinical trials._

_They also generally hired at least one of their selected interns each year. And the benefits were good. Tuition forgiveness, stock options, health insurance, paid sick and vacation time._

_On her first day she entered the glass encased high rise building and her stomach lurched; grateful she had decided to have a light breakfast. A slice of toast and a cup of coffee was all. Anything else may not have stayed down._

_Glancing at the small piece of paper in her hand she re-read the instructions she had written down. She was to go to the 12__th__ floor and check in with the receptionist there who would direct her to Dr. Cullen's office._

_As she passed the security desk she scanned her employee badge as she had been instructed. Once an elevator opened she entered it along with several people; softly asking for twelve to be pushed._

_It only took a few minutes to arrive but she could feel her nervousness rising. She fidgeted with her clothes. A gray pencil skirt and matching blazer; the only pop of color she had was her silk blouse, Caribbean blue in color._

_Leaving the elevator __she walked forward to the receptionist desk and noted the name plate. Taking a small breath in, she introduced herself, "Hello, Gianna. I'm Leah Clearwater and I have a meeting with Dr. Cullen."_

_The olive-skinned brunette looked up from filing her nails and raked her eyes down her before replying, "Hmm, I'll have to check his schedule. I'm not aware of any appointments he has today," her voice was condescending and she wasn't sure what she had done to offend Gianna already._

_The nail file set down and Gianna slowly turned to the computer and entered some information. Her face transformed into a simper as she turned back to Leah, "Well, I'm sorry but I don't have any information on a Lucy Herewater. In fact, Dr. Cullen's entire schedule is booked for the next two weeks. You must be mistaken."_

_She fought back the urge to growl at the smirking woman and calmly restated her name, explaining she was a new intern and had been told her meeting with Dr. Cullen was today. She paused in her explanation to reach in her attaché and pull out the letter._

"_Well, Lucy," she sneered, "There's no information about you in the system." A mischievous gleam entering her eyes as she paused, "You know why don't you go and speak to Mr. Cullen, Carlisle's son, perhaps he'd be willing to help you."_

_She was given instructions to his office and Gianna told her she would let him know she was stopping by. She should have realized this woman was not trying to be helpful and her parting words were full of suspicion, "And don't knock on his door. He gets very irritated when people do that after he's been informed they're coming. Good luck."_

_She watched as Gianna picked up the phone and this time actually said her name correctly to the person on the other end. So she walked down the hallway to his office; stopping in front of the mahogany door she paused for a moment to gather her bearings before twisting the knob to open the door, entered and closed it behind her._

_At first she could only see the top of his head. Something familiar but she wasn't sure what. She stood awkwardly in the doorway waiting from him to look up and acknowledge her; fighting the urge to twitch nervously. _

_Without looking up he spoke; his first words putting her on edge. "How many times do I have to tell you, Gianna? I asked to not be disturbed," his tone angry and dismissive._

_Suddenly realizing whoever Gianna had spoken to was not the man in front of her she bowed her head and stared at the floor before softly uttering, "I'm sorry, sir. I think there was some confusion. I was to be meeting with Dr. Cullen today."_

_While she was still focused on the floor, Edward looked up and recognized the young woman from the club all those months ago. And just like the first time he was intrigued. Within moments he was across the room and had her backed against the door._

_His arms coming to rest on the door behind her as he boldly stated, "So, we met again."_

_His actions and words had her heart thundering but she refused to be cowed by him. She looked up and met his eyes; reminding herself to breathe slow and steady. And once again she was drawn to their green depths and there was an underlying need for her to be his equal but submit at the same time._

_His hand pulled away from the door and he trailed a finger along the side of her face brushing the soft tendrils of hair that escaped her coiffure. His voice husky with desire as he asked, "Do you have a name, little one?"_

"_Leah Clearwater," she answered; proud of herself as her voice came out clear and strong._

"_Leah…the weary woman who wept and prayed for God to grant her choice in mate. How fitting," he murmured softly. His fingers trailed along the smooth skin of her neck and the small bit of exposed collarbone. Her eyes closed at the sensation; her head tilting to the side to provide better access. A soft moan escaped her lips when he leaned down and kissed where her pulse throbbed._

"_I think you're ready…"_


	19. Chapter 18: Toxic

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

**AN: I have a poll up on my profile page...not related to the story but rather a curious question on my part regarding reviews. If you have time I'd love for you to answer it.**

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Chapter 18

Toxic

The ringing of her phone pulled her from sleep abruptly. For a moment she forgot where she was and turned too quickly, bumping her head into her nightstand. Grabbing the phone she answered it; praying it hadn't woken anyone up.

Rubbing her head with her other hand she tried to sound more awake than what she was, "Hello."

"_Lilla_, how are you this evening?"

"Edward?"

"Of course, who else would be calling you?"

She glanced over at the clock; three am—he must have just gotten done with his meetings or a dinner with clients. "No one. It's early or late, depending on how you want to look at it," she replied, yawning.

"Oh, did I wake you?" Once again his question was framed in a way that it was an unspoken statement. He knew he had woken her. In fact if he had waited just a few more hours it would be considered a more reasonable time to call. Early still but at least she could just get up for the day then. Right now all she could think of was going back to sleep.

"I just called you to let you know I'll be in London for another week. My father has some additional things he'd like me to take care of here with our London clients before returning home. But as soon as I'm back in the States I'll be paying you a visit."

She inhaled sharply. _How was that going to work?_ She had barely told her family about Edward and now he was going to show up. She had really fucked herself over this time.

"Are you nervous," he asked; the tenor of his voice igniting her nerve endings.

"No…it's…"

"Don't worry I won't be staying in town. I'll find a place in Port Angeles. After all there's still your punishment to take care of. I doubt your family would like me taking care of business underneath their roof."

She didn't know what it was. His voice, the words, the whisper of promise but, she found herself breathing faster; her blood pumping through her veins as her heart hurried at a swift pace. Her body was on fire and she wished he wasn't so far away.

"What do you say we discuss what's going to happen," he murmured and she moaned in response; her nipples crested and rubbed against the silk top she wore while her core ached. Even without touching herself she knew it was slick; the soft flesh swollen and begging for touch, for release.

"Between your late night phone call and your last missive I unquestionably know you need to be taught who your _master_ is. How many lashes do you think?"

She knew instinctively whatever number she said he would double or triple. So she picked a low number, "Two—one for each transgression, sir."

"Hmm…interesting I was thinking more along the lines of ten for each. I suppose I can get closer to your number and we'll settle on ten. Do you want to know exactly how I'll do it?"

Her answer was given without hesitation and in favor of knowing. "Are you comfortable or should I give you a moment," he asked.

"A moment."

She set her phone down, then sat up and raced over to her door to lock it. Crossing the room she opened her laptop bag and found her Bluetooth headset for her phone. It was very likely he would leave her uncomfortable and in agony—wanting release but denied. Though he had been generous the other night and he might be tonight too.

Connecting the headset to her phone, she placed it in her ear before saying softly, "I'm ready, sir."

He chuckled softly and teased her, "I'm sure you are. The first thing you'll do is slowly remove each article of clothing while maintaining eye contact with me. If your eyes waver even once that will be an additional lash. I will _inspect _your body, deciding when you can move and you will be unobtrusive and submissive like I know you can be."

The thought of his eyes roaming over her flesh while she stood several paces away from him increased her yearning incrementally. She would be facing away from him, her legs spread, and she would never know when he dared to venture closer.

"How long should I make you stand like that, huh? Do you think you'd be able to tell when I move closer to you? Would you be able to maintain position once you felt the heat of my breath against the back of your neck?"

A soft moaned escaped her at the thought of him standing behind her; nothing but his hot breath touching her. She couldn't stop her wandering hand as she brushed a hand over her pebbled nipples. Her fingers circled along the stiff peaks before they trailed down to her abdomen and skirted the soft skin just above her shorts.

"Are you touching yourself," he asked, his voice dropped nearly an octave lower. The timbre of it made her tremble. Her voice shaky as she struggled to deny to it, "No…no…"

"You're lucky I'm still in a generous mood. You may touch yourself if you desire—in fact, I want you to because after tonight I won't talk to you again until we meet in a week."

Relief flooded through, her hand reached underneath her top and she cupped her breasts. Her thumb and fingers grasping her nipples and pulling on them gently as he continued, "You'll hear the soft clink of my first tool—you remember the last time we used them? The slow numbing of your flesh, the way it was gently tugged with the slightest movement. I know I do."

She did remember and flushed thinking about it. A set of three gold metal clamps held together by a golden chain. One for each of her nipples and the third meant for her clit.

"Would you help me clamp them to your flesh? Hold your breasts up for me so I can attach one to each hard nub? Are you touching them right now? Are they straining towards your hands?"

"Yes…" the single word coming out as a mixture of a response and a keening cry.

"Good girl," he praised her. "Then I'd attached the final one, you remember where that one goes," he paused and she whispered his name; her hand travelling down to where the last clamp would be placed.

"And you'd spread your soft flesh so the final clamp could be situated. Then I'll instruct you to kneel so that you can receive your lashes. If you've been good and listened it will be ten _but_ I wonder if you'll be able to. You'll clasp your hands behind your back and feel the as the movement tugs your flesh. Do you think you'll be able to stay still at the touch of my riding crop against your smooth rounded ass cheek?"

Her hands were roaming her body; one positioned and moving from one breast to another. The other had long since slid into her slick swollen flesh. Her hand swapped between firm tight circles on her clit to thrusting inside where she ached most. She wished he was in the room with her and that it was his hands on her body.

"No…"

"You sound so close, _lilla_. I want you to come…_now_," he commanded and she shattered. "Sweet dreams," he whispered before his final promise left his mouth, "I'll see you in a week."


	20. Chapter 19: Misery

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

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Chapter 19

Misery

Once again morning came all too early for her. Her life had taken on some type of _Twilight Zone-esque_ happenings. Twice Edward had been able to reach into her desires and needs from miles away. It was making her rethink her decision to end their relationship. It was improbable that she would find anyone who could affect her like he did. He was so wicked and at the same time so capable.

A light knock on her door had her sitting up in bed. "Leah, is it okay if I come in," Bella asked; her voice muffled by the closed door.

"Sure," she answered; completely forgetting she had locked the door in the middle of the night.

The knob jiggled and once again Bella spoke, "Umm…do you think you could unlock it?"

She yawned a single time before pushing off her bed and walking over to the door. Unlocking it, she opened it and Bella rushed in and then gestured for her to close the door behind.

"What's with you this morning," she asked with an amused look on her face as she glanced at her stepsister.

"Me…you're asking what's wrong with me? What's with the middle of the night phone call? Who were you talking to?" Bella's cheeks pink tinged as she lowered her voice and asked, "Were you having phone sex?"

She laughed at her; a small part of her embarrassed about being caught in the act. "That's why you barged in here this morning?"

"You might think it's funny right now but do you think it would've been funny for my dad to hear that?"

A small frown appearing on her face; her brow furrowed as she asked, "What do you mean?"

"Your phone ringing didn't just wake me up. It woke up my dad and he was concerned, you know, it was the middle of the night. Be glad I got up before he did and realized—you probably didn't want to be disturbed. I told him it was nothing—a wrong number. So who was it really? Edward?"

She tried to inhale and swallow at the same time causing herself to cough violently. Bella slapped her hard against the back at the same time she was asking her if she was alright.

Her eyes were wide as she stared at Bella, "Are you fucking serious? Charlie was on his way to check on me?" It was too difficult for her to put into words how mortified she was. To be caught having phone sex by her stepfather. She would never live it down.

"Yes," Bella hissed. "Now you better tell me everything cause I've never done anything like that—why would you do it?"

Bella's questions came a mile a minute and she did her best to answer her questions. In some ways she felt like she was corrupting Bella's innocence by telling her a little bit more of her and Edward's activities. But it seemed her stepsister was intrigued; her eyes twinkled as she listened with a pensive look on her face.

"Wow…umm…so do you do stuff like that often?"

She shrugged and a soft smile appeared on her face as she nodded.


	21. Chapter 20: Set Fire to the Rain

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

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Chapter 20

Set Fire to the Rain

The rest of her week seemed to pass without incident. It was probably a good idea Edward had decided to refrain from contact. When she finally emerged from her room the last day he talked to her she was surprised as both Charlie and her mom had the day off.

Charlie glanced at her curiously as he questioned her about the call. There was a reason why he was the Chief of Police; not much got past him. He looked at her with what she decided was his _cop stare_; his probing gaze trying to determine if she was telling the truth.

In the end she made up the craziest story she could think of. Explaining a client forgot she was out of town and they also forgot about the time difference. Thinking it was later or earlier depending on whose perspective you were talking about. Her footsteps running around the room was her trying to find her planner which held the numbers for who was handling things while she was out of town.

He had simply stared at her for nearly an eternity before murmuring, "Humph." The conversation was quickly moved to Seth and his newest flame. Inside she was cringing as they all tried to figure out what her name was. It seemed like her brother went through girlfriends like some men went through socks.

She even asked her mom if she was sure that their dad had the sex talk with him. The last thing she wanted to hear was her brother had knocked someone up or worse yet—had the _gift that kept giving_. She had long since stopped asking him who he was dating as it was too hard to keep up.

Either way, he and his girlfriend would be coming the same weekend Edward was due to arrive home. She wasn't sure what she was more nervous about—him meeting her family, her punishment, or the fact her past and present were going to be sitting in the same room together. It made her want to toss her cookies on an hourly basis. _How could the fates be so cruel to her?_

Eight days after her last contact with Edward she sat in the only diner in Forks with Bella, Sam, and Paul going over wedding details. She and Bella had been busy and had found a few options for bridesmaid dresses along with a few tux options. Bella was trying to convince Sam that pink—_wait, salmon_ was a perfectly acceptable color for men to wear.

It wasn't working but she was giving it her best effort. As Leah watched the two of them interact, she could see the devotion they had for one another. It was obvious in their words, expressions, and actions. It made her happy for her sister and sick at the same time—it was like foreplay before her eyes and she realized as Bella's eyes suddenly glimmered with delight that perhaps she should have kept her mouth shut about some of the things she shared.

And her nerves weren't helping her either. She had heard nothing from Edward and she knew he was home from London. She had called yesterday to find out. He had promised her it would be one week—seven days and it was day _eight._

She counted them in her head, slowly and deliberately. Counted them in every way she could think of—numbers, days of the week in English, Spanish, and Quileute; comparing them to the seven levels of hell with an addition—which was her own personal hell. And even thought about them in terms of the seven deadly sins—the eight being the conclusion when she rose from the ashes of her wasted, sinful life.

It was when she was counting them for the fiftieth time that it happened. She had barely been paying attention to the conversation happening around her. Too focused on her own thoughts, fears, longing, and desires. Too focused on _him_ to realize he stood not even ten feet from her.

His gaze intense as his eyes roamed her body. She was dressed casually; a tee-shirt and pair of jean shorts. Her long hair plaited into a single long braid with small wisps of hair falling from it. Nothing other than lip gloss on her luscious lips—pouty lips that would be begging him to touch her.

He licked his lips and tamped down his need to adjust himself in his slacks. The other occupants of her table had noticed his attention. One of the men gazed at him inquisitively while the other looked ready to attack and kill him for his interest. The brunette girl nudged her slightly and she paused in her musings to glare and muttered, "What?"

Another nudge and whisper brought her attention to him. He watched as her eyes widened and saw her breathing turn ragged. He began his slow prowl over to her; knew her gaze wouldn't waver from his. She had taken to the role of a submissive as though she was born to it.

It was one thing that he loved about her—that and at least a hundred other things which he couldn't really put into words. He didn't have the most normal view of relationships—he could thank his parents for that. But there had always been something about her that drew him in.

He paused at their table; his hand reaching out to touch her shoulder and her eyes fell for one moment to his hand on her flesh before travelling back to his face. He smiled wryly and greeted, "I told you I'd see you in a week, you didn't need to call the office—I'd never forget you."

"Edward," she breathed. "How?"

"You have a unique name, _lilla_ and of course, people are more than happy to chat about you. Once I deduced where you lived; your mother was helpful in pointing me in the right direction." He glanced at the other members of the group before turning back to Leah.

"I think we have a _date_ to discuss. _Come_ with me?"

She placed her hand in his outstretched hand and allowed him to tug her to her feet; following him without a glance to those she was with.


	22. Chapter 21: One More Night

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

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Chapter 21

One More Night

It was only once he had successfully led her away from the table and into the dark hallway which headed to the bathrooms and the back entrance that she realized she had followed him blindly. Despite this, she couldn't pull her hand away from his. Her entire body thrummed to life at his nearness.

Finally the distance between them could be measured in the smallest increments. He stopped and turned to her; the look on his face taking her breath away. He pulled her closer, tucking her head into his chest as he leaned down and kissed her forehead.

"Did you miss me that much," he inquired. "Gianna told me you called no less than three times."

This was not the time to be brazen; instead she chose honesty. "Yes—you told me seven days. It's been eight."

He chuckled at her words but it was not mocking in the least. He understood her better than she did sometimes. Most likely understood the anxiety that increased with every hour past the deadline.

Slowly he turned them so she was effectively backed into the corner. Only then did she glance again at his face. "You look so very different from the woman I know right now—almost like the girl I know that begs to be released."

She poked a finger into his chest and her voice teasing, "Well, I can't exactly run around in a pair of Gucci slacks and shirt."

His hand caressed her face and once again he leaned down; only this time it was to run his tongue against her ear lobe as he murmured, "But you look so alluring wearing my shirt."

Shuddering, she couldn't deny his logic and felt her nipples crest. The stiff points evident underneath the plain cotton bra and shirt she was wearing. As his tongue continued to draw lazy circles on her flesh, his hand reached underneath the hem of her shirt to cup her breast. A soft moan left her lips as his fingers found her nipple and grasped it firmly.

"Now about our date—I was thinking tonight. It's been entirely too long, don't you think?"

"Mmm, hmm," were the only words she could utter as all coherent thoughts had left her.

"But first I want to play a little game," he enlightened her at the same time his hand undid the button of her shorts. The sound of the zipper opening seemed to be louder than the chatter in the diner. "Spread."

She moved her legs further apart, granting him access to her dripping flesh. His fingers slid into her folds with ease. He stroked her several times before removing his hand and she whined at the loss of contact.

"Shh, _lilla_, I promise to make it all better," his voice whispered in promise.

A moment passed and this time when he returned his hand she shivered at the sensation of cool metal against her sensitive skin. Her legs spread even wider as she realized his intent, _his game_. He inserted the cool metal ball inside her aching flesh; his hand leaving her flesh again for a moment while he retrieved the second one and it followed suit; placed inside with its mate.

His fingers stroked her clit, igniting the small fire into a raging inferno. All too soon, he removed his hand; zipping and buttoning her shorts efficiently. Her eyes popped open just in time to watch as he brought his fingers to his mouth and tasted her essence.

His actions caused her core to throb in response. She could tell her cheeks were flushed and there was little doubt in her mind that her eyes glittered with need. He had left her on the precipice; all it would take is one little thing to throw her over. But she also knew the game he wished to play.

The point was for her to be in agony; as close to orgasm as she could be. The balls lodged inside her dripping pussy were there to remind her with every step, breath, and beat of her heart what would come if she could stay focused. Pure, unadulterated pleasure and all it would take was the whisper of a single word from him—_Come_.

"Now, let's discuss our _plans_," he pulled a key card from his pocket and gave her directions to the hotel he were he was staying along with his room number.


	23. Chapter 22: Lovefool

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

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Chapter 22

Lovefool

The three occupants Leah and Edward left at the table gawked in the direction they had taken. It seemed there weren't words to describe what they had just seen. Paul was the most provoked and unnerved. First some stranger had stared at Leah like she was something to eat. Then he sauntered over to them and even he had to admit he had watched the slow prowl with a jaded eye.

The kicker of it all was—the stranger, _this man_ knew Leah and spoke to her with a familiarity that spoke of things he didn't even want to think about. And then she followed _him_ as though she was a lamb being led to slaughter. Not a word, glance, or even a care to the fact they were sitting right there.

When he finally recovered his fist met Sam's shoulder with precision as he growled, "What the fuck is that about?"

Sam rubbed his shoulder and glanced over at Bella who sat across the table from them; a dazed look on her face. Upon realizing their focus she glanced at them blinking rapidly.

"Sorry…sorry, I forgot. Umm, that's Edward, her boyfriend."

"Oh," he responded softly. Maybe he had made too much of the moment they had shared a little over a week ago. Seeing her again had ignited the feelings he had long since buried. Even though it seemed impossible, improbable—he had seen the look in her eyes when Amelia hugged her. Had seen how she leaned down and pulled his daughter closer.

And the sight of them together made him think of an alternate future—one with her in it. Only it had her body rounder, softer; like a picture of _Madonna_ come to life and he didn't mean the one with too many pointless pop songs, pointy cone bras, and pushing sixty.

"Yeah, so he must be back from London. She said he was thinking about coming out but I don't know…she told me they were on a break or something," Bella continued, frowning at the last part.

"It sure didn't look like a break to me," Sam remarked as he glanced back to where they disappeared to.

"Why couldn't he just talk about their date here?"

He had seen Bella blush dozens of times but never had her face get this red. It was red enough that he was sure the heat of her cheeks could fry an egg. She made a slightly choking sound as she gasped out, "I doubt they're talking about a date."

"Well, what else would they be doing," he asked stupidly; unaware he really didn't want to know the answer to his own question.

"Probably having sex in the bathroom," Bella muttered softly.

He and Sam turned at the same time to the back hallway where they had disappeared to. Their mouths dropping open in shock. It was a day of firsts—not only had Bella mentioned _sex_ but in a public place no less. And they all learned a little more about themselves.

They both were envious of Edward—though each for different reasons. Sam, envious because he wondered how the hell the man had convinced Leah to do it; public sex was a long-held fantasy of his. And Paul, envious because Edward was doing exactly what he wanted to do with Leah since she had come home. Only he didn't care where it was—the beach, a car, his bed—time or place was of little consequence to him.

"_Shit_, I can't believe what I just said," Bella cursed as she slapped her forehead. "She's going to kill me." Her eyes steely at the two men sitting across from her and she kicked each of them in the shin. "Don't say a word. I mean it."

Her warning came at just the right time as a flushed Leah and smug Edward walked back to the table. Leah's gait was measured and slightly stiff. And when she sat down, she gasped slightly; their gazes centering on her with interest.

"Leah, darling," Edward drawled. "I really must be going. I have a few things to take care of before tonight."

She glanced at him and then back at the table. "Before you leave—how about an introduction," she paused for a moment before she introduced them.

When she introduced Bella, he oozed charm, "Aww, the blushing-bride-to-be. It might be presumptuous of me but I'm assuming that Leah may bring a date?"

"Of course. I would've sent an invite personally had I know Leah was involved with someone."

"My Leah's full of secrets but that is a woman's prerogative. Well, it was very nice to meet you all. I'm sure we'll see each other soon." Leaning down he kissed Leah's head and turned to walk away.

He was no more than five feet away when he turned abruptly and walked back. "I nearly forgot. I bought you a gift."

She nearly moaned at the feel of his hot breath against her neck as he asked her, "Will you hold your hair up for me?"

She nodded; it was the only response she had the strength for. Grasping her braid in one hand, she curled it and held it on the top of her head. He placed the large light blue velvet box on the table and she recognized exactly where it was from. She barely caught a glimpse of the necklace inside before she felt the cool metal against the thin skin of her neck.

She shivered and it caused an answering throb in her loins. Her muscles instinctively tightening around the balls and she bit her lip to hold back her moan. She felt out of sorts and tried to find something to focus on; anything to take her mind off the sensations which threatened to push her over the edge.

Her eyes locked on Paul's and she noted for the first time since Edward had shown up the pained lines on his face. She couldn't look at him while this was happening it was so wrong—though a small part of her felt perversely pleased at his discomfort. Closing her eyes was worse though and a whimper left her lips as the necklace was finally clasped around her neck.

Edward's lips kissed her flesh where his fingers had been only moments before. She swallowed and felt the tightness—the constriction of it. He hadn't presented her with one before but she recognized it for what it was—_a collar_. His way to put claim on her body for others to see whether they realized it or not.

"Behave yourself, _lilla_. I look forward to seeing you tonight."

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**AN: BTW I don't dislike Madonna-it just worked there. :)**


	24. Chapter 23: Wide Awake

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

**AN: The two chaps I'm posting might be all until next week. I'm working 48 hrs over the next four days without a day off until Mon and I have a 5-8 page paper due for school too (which I haven't started yet...oops).**

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Chapter 23

Wide Awake

Before any of them could blink she leaned forward and dropped her head against the table. The thud of her head and her soft exclamation of, "Fuck," seemed to be the only sounds in the now quiet diner.

_What had she just allowed to happen?_ This wasn't the _break_ she had told him she wanted to take. In his presence it seemed her ability to think, reason, and make decisions abandoned her.

And she knew she had to show up—he wouldn't hesitate to show up at her mom's home. That would be even more interesting to explain. She groaned thinking about him showing up and _teaching_ her a lesson. The thought excited her more than she cared to admit.

The key card he had given her was burning a hole in her back pocket; her loins throbbed in anticipation. She needed to get out of here before she embarrassed herself further.

"You okay, Leah," Bella's voice asked softly.

She groaned in response. There were no words—no way to explain, describe, elucidate on what was going on. She was discomfited and pissed at him, at herself—at her body's reaction to him. As tempted as she was to bang her head against the table a few more times she resisted.

Lifting her head she avoided their curious glances. Instead staring at a stain on the floor she had noticed earlier. Much better, she decided as she tried to figure out exactly what had caused the stain and how long it had been there.

"Leah…"

"I'm fine. Can we just drop it for now," she pleaded.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw as Bella opened and closed her mouth several times before finally pursing her lips tightly together and nodding. She reached into her handbag and pulled out her phone to check the time. Three pm.

The plan was for her to meet him at his hotel at seven; four hours to prepare. And she wasn't talking about the physical preparations. It was all about the mental preparation; sitting here with the level of scrutiny currently aimed her way wasn't helpful.

"I know there are still some details to work out but we can't really move on until you and Sam agree on colors. So, would it be okay if we finished this up later?"

"Sure. I think that's fine. Sam, I think I'll ride home with Leah. You'll be by later for dinner?"

"Of course."

She wanted to scream in frustration. _How was she going to avoid Bella's questions?_ Already, she had shared only the bare minimum. For some reason she couldn't see Bella being mollified with her half-assed answers. Not after what they had just witnessed.

It was amazing to her how much more aware of her behavior she had become. Since entering into the contract with Edward and learning the standards—the protocols of behavior. It became something ingrained in her. Depending on the context, situation, and even people present meant her behavior changed.

Where she sat, how she interacted with him, and even interacting with others. At times she was as unobtrusive as a picture on the wall. Her eyes lowered, her posture and body language turned towards him; showing others that she was his. Then there were times were she was allowed to freely interact with others but again the rules of how she did were carefully structured.

He was first and foremost, her _master._ His status put him in control of the situation. It didn't mean she was the weak one either. Her _submission_ was perhaps even more powerful than his _domination_ over her. Submission required her to trust him fully.

Trust that he may be rough with her but not too rough. Trust he understood where the line was and didn't cross it. Punishment was not meant to torture or ridicule her but instead was to discover the fine line between pleasure and pain. The line between wrong and right—abnormal and normal; the last two definitions belonged to society and their views on sex and intimacy.

The four of them paid for the meals and exited the diner together. Sam, Paul, and Leah had all driven separately and as she and Bella walked over to her car—she saw two people she didn't want to see. Two people she was sure Bella didn't want to see either.

Jacob and Emily. Jacob stood next to her car admiring it and as much as she wanted to run over and scream at him; she was reminded with every step what she and Edward had been up to not even ten minutes ago. She was forced to walk at a slightly slower pace which didn't go unnoticed by Bella who raised an eye in her direction.

"I wonder whose it is. There's no one in Forks that I can think who'd own this," she heard Jacob express.

"Mine," she stated as she glared at the two of them. She pointed the key fob at the car to unlock the doors as she added, "Now, I'd like you both to get the fuck away from it. I've got better things to do with my day than chat with either of you."

"Wow," he exclaimed. "It's a nice car. You buy it new? What's the horsepower?"

"Does this look like fucking social hour, Black? Last time I checked, we're not friends and you're the last person I'd talk shop with."

She watched as Emily walked over to him and laced her arm through his and started walking towards the entrance. "Come on, Jake. She's still bitter about what happened in high school."

"Yes, Emily—I have nothing better to do with my day than moan about what a slut you are. Every day I spend thinking and talking about you. The moment I left here my life was over and that's why I have a good job, an apartment in Seattle, and a boyfriend. I guess being a bitter bitch was a bad thing for me, wasn't it, _cousin_," she sneered the last term as she and both she and Bella got into car and drove off.


	25. Chapter 24: Broken

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

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Chapter 24

Broken

She tried to shake Bella off the moment she got home but her stepsister was like a case of fleas and she was a dog infected with them. It was impossible. Bella trailed after her as she dug through her suitcases and found an outfit.

After taking a look at her choices she settled on a white dress with black accents; it zipped in the front allowing her to change how much leg she showed. She had packed a number of undergarments found a matching set that he would enjoy; all she had with were thongs but she supposed it didn't matter what she choose. Either way it was all about muscle control to hold the balls in place.

She laid out her clothing and shoes, opting to not wear nylons as it was impossible to remove them and maintain eye contact. She knew she would be a bit sore tomorrow and the last thing she wanted was it to be more noticeable than what it would be. Less lashes, meant less discomfort the next day.

When she walked into the bathroom she debated on taking a shower and quickly decided against it. A bath for one would be more relaxing and two she wouldn't be fighting against gravity. She raised an eyebrow in Bella's direction as she started the bathwater and watched as her _shadow_ finally left.

Closing the door she locked it. She glanced in the mirror to look at the _gift_ he gave her; the quick glance earlier hadn't been enough. As she gazed at it—she did have to admit he had good taste. There was little doubt to her what the meaning was but that didn't mean she couldn't wear it every day.

Three strands of different colored gold braided chain. White, yellow, and rose; they twisted loosely around each other and in the very center laying just above the notch between her collarbones was a round charm encrusted with diamonds that held the three chains together. If she had been included in the selection it was something she would have leaned towards.

She wasn't in the mood to re-wash and style her hair so she grabbed a clip from the drawer and twisted her braid into a bun then clipped it to her head. It wouldn't probably stay completely dry but enough so that she could put it into a French twist.

Before getting into the tub she added some scented bath crystals to the water and then she lowered herself into the water. Her iPod and headphones close at hand and she found a playlist she liked and laid back allowing the warm water to relax and ease the tension from her.

Bella was obviously sneakier than she looked. And perhaps, her goody-two shoes act was just that—an _act._ Next thing she knew Bella was standing near the tub with a hand over her eyes and calling Leah's name.

"Bella! What the hell is with you," she screeched in annoyance and removed her headphones. Her hand reached up and she closed the shower curtain so most of her body was covered; leaving only her head and legs visible.

"I'm sorry…really."

"When did you start picking locks and sneaking in on people?"

"It's a skill I've had for years; Renee wasn't the most responsible mom and half the time when one of her _boyfriends _left her she'd lock herself in the bathroom with a bottle of wine. I had to learn how to pick the lock to make sure she didn't drown, both literally and figuratively, in her sorrows."

"But that's not why I'm here. You need to tell me what that was about," Bella demanded; her hands flailing wildly as she tried and failed to explain what she wanted to know.

She turned and looked at Bella, keeping her face as placid as she could. "What are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about—Edward—you. Did you and him have _sex_," the final word whispered as though it was a dirty word.

It couldn't be helped and she laughed; her face turning red as her actions caused her muscles to involuntarily tighten around the balls. Reminding her of exactly what he had done to her and what was to come. She was slowly being tortured.

"No…not exactly," she hedged.

"Well…then what? You were all flushed and walking funny. And don't you dare think I'm the only one that noticed. Then there was all the before...I heard what he said…_date_ and _come_. He emphasized both those words…and you grabbed his hand and let him lead you away. Why?"

Her earlier assessment was correct. There was no way that she could hide her reasoning behind her behavior. There just wasn't any way to describe it. It wasn't what others would consider as _normal_. For her—for her role—yes it was normal but no one else would view it that way.

So she started at the beginning and explained how she found her new lifestyle. How she had felt like something was missing and the difficulties she had with portions of a normal relationship. How scared she was of falling in love again and being hurt.

She then told Bella how she met Edward; the attraction and desire she felt to be with him. How it was so very different from anything she had ever felt. That from the very beginning she had the desire—the need—the want to _submit_ to him. And how after she entered into a relationship with him she learned more about herself than she imagined.

"I don't know how to explain it but there's something about him—within me that is different. And there's an essence of trust, respect, and unity that I've never experienced before. I don't know if I love him like what others would expect or if he's the one but I do know this—I'm happy, confident, and whole. It's something that I didn't think I would ever be again."


	26. Chapter 25: Overprotective

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

**AN: Very sorry for the delay. These 3 chaps I'm posting are part of 5 or 6 I have mapped out. Just wasn't feeling the writing. I apologize for any mistakes as I'm posting when I should be in bed but I'll fix them up later. And I'm soooo mad about my word counts too! But *deep breaths* maybe I can up it to 500-1500. (I'm such an enabler).**

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Chapter 25

Overprotective

As she finished putting the final touches on her makeup she could hear several voices drifting up the stairs. She recognized Bella and Sam's voice, another which sounded like her brother's, and finally a woman's voice which she decided was her brother's girlfriend. And as far as she knew no one could remember her name. Definitely an awkward situation but it was hardly any of their faults.

She took one final glance in the mirror and decided she was satisfied with her appearance. A light covering of makeup which included some smoky eye shadow, mascara, and lip gloss; her hair was twisted up with soft tendrils falling from the loose French twist she employed. The dress she had selected hugged her body like a second skin.

She grabbed her heels and made her way downstairs. On the final step she took a deep breath and walked into the kitchen. The conversation she heard only moments before was stalled; Seth was the first one to speak.

"What the hell are you wearing and where do you think you're going?"

Her nervous feeling bubbled over and she laughed. "Oh, big brother of mine, how I've missed you," she remarked as she made her way over to him and hugged him. "But I'm going out and I don't want to be late so we'll discuss my outfit later."

She extracted herself from his arms and met his gaze equally. She could tell he was coming up with another strategy—as her older brother he had always been protective of her and even more so after the _incident._ He was the first to look away uncomfortably and she kept herself from celebrating her success.

Once he glanced away she greeted the other occupants: Sam, Bella, and finally Seth's girlfriend Angela. Angela was very different from the girls her brother normally dated. For one, she wasn't pale or blonde and she looked like she might actually have talents outside the bedroom—though Leah could see a bit of a kindred spirit in her.

She was exotic in her own way—perhaps a mix of Native American or Indian and white which lent a darker shade to her skin. She was not as dark or coppery-colored as Seth; her skin tone more of an olive shade. Her hair was a dark brown with highlights of red, gold, and light brown. Her soft brown eyes were framed by a pair of pink glasses that reminded Leah of a throwback to the 50's.

She ended up taking Angela by surprise when she pulled her into a hug, telling her, "Oh, I like you. If he doesn't want to keep you—I'll keep you, 'kay."

"Umm…sure," Angela responded as she reluctantly returned Leah's hug. "You must be Seth's sister, Leah. He told me quite a bit about you."

She pulled back and smiled at Angela, "All good I hope? So do you like to go by Angela, Angie…"

"Angie's fine."

Her eyes twinkled; realizing this girl was the _one_. It was about time. Her brother was going to be turning 28 soon and maybe if got serious with someone she wouldn't get the twice a year guilt trips from her mom about how neither of her children were attached or even thinking about providing her grandchildren to spoil.

She turned and slipped on her heels and her eyes meet Bella's for just a moment. She could see the worry in her stepsister's eyes and though she was tempted to roll her eyes—she decided not to. It had been nice to talk about their relationship. She knew the only way to work through it was talk about it. And hopefully some of the talking that needed to be done was accomplished sometime in the next 24 hours.

Instead of ignoring Bella's fear she embraced it by walking up to her and giving her a quick hug. Then she softly whispered, "I'll be just fine. Maybe you and Sam should play a bit—you might like it."

"I can't believe you're going out. I haven't seen you since your birthday. Can't you go some other time? I thought we were having a family dinner tonight—that's what mom said."

"Well…I don't see any dinner which could be due to the fact our stepsister is a sick, depraved girl who picks locks to interrupt people when they're trying to take a bath. So, I say we re-schedule for tomorrow. How's that sound?"

"Damn it," Bella swore as she realized it was her turn to cook tonight and her obsession with finding out what was going on with Leah and Edward had distracted her. "I guess we're eating pizza tonight."

She grabbed her clutch and car keys and was nearly to the door when she was interrupted by Seth again, "What's your rush, little sister? Who are going to see?"

"My boyfriend. I'll be back tomorrow. So, don't wait up for me," she replied with a wink.

"You're blowing us off for your boyfriend," he chided. "Honestly, Leah?"

"Yes, I am Uncle Seth. Just like you forgot a few things like Auntie Bella, Bumpa, and Nana. Edward and I need to have a talk—he's been out of the country for business and just got back. There are things we need to figure out. I'll be back late tomorrow morning."

She paused for a moment as an idea suddenly came to her, "How about this? You don't complain to mom about my whereabouts and I'll let you and Angela have my room while you stay here. I won't even complain if you two decide to get busy in there either."

His mouth opened and closed repeatedly reminding her of a fish while his girlfriend blushed. Sam was her saving grace, "I'd take her offer, Seth. The sofa bed has a pretty shitty mattress and plus it's a bit too close to your mom's room for comfort."

She smiled at Sam in a gesture of thanks. Once again she embraced her brother, kissing his cheek and said to him quietly, "I'm happy for you. I'll bet she's a freak in bed." She smirked at him one last time and then walked out the house to her car.

FF_8560086 10/17/2012 3:21AM


	27. Chapter 26: Too Close

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

**AN: Poem is from Dani's Writings on Tumblr.**

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Chapter 26

Too Close

The drive to Port Angeles didn't take much time at all. In contrast to her earlier nerves she now had a feeling of anticipation. Her nerve endings were buzzing, her skin broke out in goose bumps but it wasn't from being cold. When she finally reached her destination she took ten minutes and silently repeated a poem that she connected with:

_Can you see me…through the smoke and mirrors_

_Can you push me…past all the pain and tears_

_Can you take me…from all the chaos and mess_

_Can you bring me…into your light from my darkness_

_Can you see me…the **real** me inside_

_Can you save me…or will you just run and hide_

It was time—no longer could she sit in her car and put off the inevitable. Her emotions were a heady mix and it fueled her desire. Once she arrived at the door to his room, she didn't pause or knock. The key card was slipped from her clutch it the lock and she entered the room in nearly one slow motion.

She paused for a moment at the door to drop her clutch and the key card on the table in the entryway before shutting the door and turning the deadbolt. For a moment she debated whether she should slide her heels off—shaking her head she remembered his words. He wanted her to strip in front of him and she knew that meant her heels stayed on.

Holding her head high she walked further into the room. He was positioned in the one of the two lounge chairs situated in the small sitting area. She dipped her head down for a moment as she greeted him. Her body language and tone showed her deference—her submission to him.

"You're right on time, _lilla_. Are you ready for our fun?"

"Yes, sir," she affirmed; looking up her eyes met his. Not in a challenging matter but as a way to show him her readiness, eagerness, and perhaps, too her strength.

He nodded; no words needed to be spoken. She knew exactly what he desired and how to do it. Her eyes stayed focused on him and she reached for the zipper on the front of her dress. She tugged the zipper upwards slowly exposing the golden color of her thighs and allowing him a peek at the white panties with pink accents she was wearing.

She continued to pull the zipper—inch by inch. Once it was unzipped to her waist she was able to spread her legs. Her stance altered so she balanced a fair portion of her weight on her left leg; her right leg extended which gave him a view of her inner thighs.

The pressure of the two balls he had inserted inside her earlier was still there. Their presence along with her striptease and memories of his earlier touch had her soaked. The tiny panties she wore were no barrier to her wetness and in the dim light—the glimmer of her want was visible.

The zipper continued its slow journey until finally it reached the top of her dress. The two sides of her dress parted and hung like a fabric barricade to her body. She shrugged the dress off her shoulders and it dropped to the floor. A soft slithering noise accompanied its descent.

_She had planned well_, he thought with an amused grin. He quickly noticed her panties had small ribbons on the sides—ties making it easy for her to remove them without her gaze faltering. His cock was at attention and he could smell the musk of her arousal in the air. He eyes burned along the path her hands took as she ghosted them along her flesh.

"I didn't tell you could touch, did I? This is your only warning."

"Sorry, sir," she breathed softly.

He smirked in response. He doubted she was truly sorry; most likely she was trying to get him worked up enough that he would cut her punishment short. He tugged his tie off at the same time her hands reached behind her to undo the clasp of her matching bra.

Her dusky rose nipples were already pebbled. He wouldn't have to stimulate her at all to get the clamps attached. He laid his tie across the arm of the chair and then turned his attention to his sleeves. The cufflinks his father had given him upon his graduation from college were removed and he rolled his sleeves up past his elbows.

Her fingers played with the ribbon on the right side of her panties. The soft, satin pink of the ribbon had him making up his mind. He hadn't planned on binding her wrists but now he changed his mind. The touch of a ribbon against his skin as he fucked her while she was bound—there weren't words to describe it. It would heighten sensations for both of them.

He raised one brow in her direction as her fingers continued to toy with the ribbon. Finally, she grasped the thin ribbon and tugged; the entire right side coming undone. Her hand was the only thing holding it in place. The left ribbon was pulled next and the moment the ties were released she opened her fingers and let it fall.

He unbuttoned the top two buttons on his shirt before motioning her to turn. She followed his directions without a murmur of protest. At first her hands remained by her sides; it didn't take long for her to trail her fingers along the front of her body until they reached her head. She grasped two pins and her hair was pulled free of its confines and her hands remained planted on her head.

His eyes roamed her body; the arch of her back, the rounded globes of her ass—her spread legs. Up and down her body his gaze wandered. Finally he decided it was time for the next part. He picked up the simple set of chains with their attached clamps.

He was right—she heard the soft twinkling of his tool. His footsteps were too soft over the thundering of her heart for her to be able to hear as he moved closer. Somehow she managed to not jump at the first touch of his hand.

"Are you ready to help me," he asked his voice husky.

"Yes…" she moaned.

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, sir," she specified at the same time she dropped her arms.

She lifted her right breast up first; her nipple was already hard. Another soft moan escaped her lips at the initial bite of the clamp. Her left nipple was next and she repeated the same process; holding it up for him while he positioned the clamp. The cool metal chain against her chest made her shiver slightly.

Quivers overtook her belly when his hands ran down her sides while he murmured, "You're spread wide open for me—and I know you're wet. I could see it glisten on your thighs. You're close aren't you?"

She nodded; words had failed her and there wasn't a single coherent thought in her brain. "You ready to help me with the final one," he whispered as his fingers stroked her wet flesh.

She didn't answer with words or even a nod—instead she did it with a simple gesture. Her hands, her fingers reached down and she spread her swollen, slick flesh. The last clamp was put in place and she could already feel the slow numbness creeping over her. But that wasn't the reason for them—it was but it wasn't—it was all about the intense feeling of blood rushing back once they were removed.

"Are you ready?"

FF_8560086 10/17/2012 3:29AM


	28. Chapter 27: Because the Night

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

**AN: This part does actually include BDSM: bondage, whipping/spanking, and rough sex in general. You've been warned.**

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Chapter 27

Because the Night

His words sent a shiver down her spine and she questioned her own sanity for a single moment. _Was this really what she wanted? What she desired most?_ It took less time for her to answer the questions than it did for her to think them up. She wanted this—wanted him and whatever he was willing to give.

His instructions were simply and precise. She removed her heels and then knelt on the bed; her thighs resting on her calves and she leaned forward slightly. He moved away for only moments before returning to her side.

"I hadn't thought until now about binding your wrists—but I'd like to."

She understood the meaning behind the words it was a question. He needed her permission. What happened between them was always discussed in one way or another. If they had played a certain way before—it didn't necessarily mean they could do the same thing again.

There was always a _safe_ word—the safe word but for the most part, a good old-fashioned 'No' worked just fine. They didn't play any games in which she coyly refused his advances. It wasn't either of their styles.

She nodded twice in affirmation and then placed her arms behind her back; one on top of the other. She could feel the slight tug of the chains on her clamped flesh. Not so much a pain but more a heightening of feelings.

He grasped the thick white satin ribbon in his hands and slowly wound it around her arms starting just below where her hands rested on her elbows. It was wound tight enough so she couldn't free her own arms but not so tight that it would cut off circulation. Once her arms were sufficiently bound he tied the ribbon in a simple bow.

"I wonder," he mused, perhaps more to himself than her. "Should we leave my earlier present in or take it out? Hmm…I think we'll leave it where it is." He moved close enough to whisper in her ear, "But don't think that means you can come yet. You'll come when I say you can."

Her loins were on fire and she wanted—needed friction there. Some kind of touch, any touch so she could finally climax. It had been hours and now with his words she had no idea how long he would make her wait.

She moaned at the first touch of the leather riding crop as it trailed along her skin. The sensation stimulated her already overworked nerves. He continued to move it further down her back, along her ass cheeks, and finally between her spread thighs. He stroked along her wet folds and her numbed clit. In response she shuddered; barely able to keep from rotating her hips to rub against him.

"You did very well tonight, _lilla_. Did you follow my instructions from earlier?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good, you're a very good girl and later you'll be rewarded…but first we must take care of business. You understand why?"

"Yes, sir," she replied contritely. "I sent you a missive when I should have spoken with you in person—that was my first offence. My second was waking you from sleep in order to fulfill my wanton needs."

"Very good. We agreed on ten lashes," he watched as she nodded. "You remember the word if it's too intense?" Again she nodded. "Then, we'll begin."

The first strike of the crop against her ass jolted her slightly. It wasn't that she wasn't prepared for it—it was just a sudden and surprising stinging sensation. The second she felt the same as the first only this time she felt an answering throb in her core. The three had her moaning and writhing—in pleasure not in pain.

Each lash landed in a slightly different spot; this ensured that no one spot would be too sore or bruised the next day. He watched in fascination at the pinking of her ass cheeks as he placed the sixth and seventh lashes on her skin. He struggled to continue—torn between his desire to finish and to comfort her—to soothe the sting of his punishment.

She was begging and pleading—for him to finish—for him to allow her to come. Her inner thighs were coated with the moistness of her own desire. Her numb clit throbbed despite the tightness of the clamp. Her walls pulsed around the balls and she struggled to stop herself from expelling them.

Lashes nine and then, finally number ten landed. The crop was laid on the bed next to her. His hands wrapped around her waist and he leaned close and kissed along the length of her spine. When he reached her ass his fingers lightly and reverently stroked the reddened skin. His lips gentle as he kissed each cheek.

She moaned. Impatience setting in as she pleaded with him again, "Please, Edward…I need…I can't…"

The metallic sound of him loosening his belt buckle and then the rasp of his zipper being pulled down filled the air. His hands once again locked on her waist as he pulled her body closer to the edge of the bed. A single finger thrust inside her and normally she would have protested at its sudden and unexpected intrusion—instead she pushed back into it.

She whined at the loss of the first ball. Its presence had filled her and now she felt empty. When the second one was removed she sobbed at the intensity of the ache she felt. She felt bereft—adrift and the intensity of it scared her.

"Shh, _lilla_," he hushed her. "It's okay—I'm right here."

She could feel the heat of her ass cheeks; the fire from her punishment. Then there was the slick wetness that dripped from her core. Finally, the only sensation left was the numbness of her clit and nipples. His hand reached around and she gasped when he removed the clamp on her clit at the same time he plunged inside her.

She bit her lip to hold back her scream—her cry of pleasure. She was falling over the edge and he hadn't given her permission to come. His fingers trailed upwards and the two clamps on her nipples were released too. The blood rushed back into the stiffened points. Her entire body, every inch of skin throbbed, ached, pulsated.

"Come," he commanded as he began a punishing series of thrusts.

His order was obeyed immediately. His hand clamped over her mouth so she could let loose the scream she was unable to hold inside. Her pussy contracted around him and she felt as he grew harder, thicker as her heated flesh pulled at him.

He continued to plunge in and out of her and she felt as a second climax neared. His hand hovered just underneath her chin causing it to be hyperextended. The position tightened the collar he had placed on her earlier. Everything was still hypersensitive.

It was difficult to say how many times he brought her to climax before he couldn't hold back any longer. He pushed her forward on the bed. Her head instinctively turned to the side as her upper body rested against the mattress. His hands gripped her hips and he pulled her back towards him as he thrust forward. It wasn't long before she came again and the quivering spasms that gripped him brought him to climax.

FF_8560086 10/17/2012 3:37AM


	29. Chapter 28: Better Man

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

* * *

Chapter 28

Better Man

He pulled out of her and through her post-coital fog she heard the rustle of his clothing as he straightened it out. Moments later there was a soft tug—the bow holding the ribbon together was released and he gently unwound it from her arms. Her arms were tingling and slightly numb from being restrained so she didn't move from her position. She wasn't comfortable but she was too weak to move.

He picked up the tools of their play and she listened to his footsteps as he walked into the bathroom. The soft thud as he set them on the counter. Returning to the bed he pulled her back and up into his arms. The other side of the bed was turned down and he set her down on the sheets and pulled the covers over her.

She struggled to keep her eyes open but it was a fruitless task. Through hooded eyes she watched as he pulled his clothes off and laid them down on one of the chairs. She realized her eyes must have closed when she was startled by the mattress dipping slightly as he crawled in next to her.

Half asleep and half awake, she allowed him to turn her body so she lay on her side in his arms. The weight and warmth of his body lugged her to sleep. Within minutes her breathing was even and deep as she drifted into slumber.

Edward meanwhile was awake. He wasn't sure what was going on with Leah. And he hadn't lied when he told her friends she had secrets. He knew so many things about her but there was always a part she held back. He didn't push her—knowing for some reason if he did things would be over. But he wasn't sure what he wanted or needed anymore—he supposed his hesitation, his reluctance could be traced back to his parents.

_Growing up he remembered his father, Carlisle seemed to be a super hero. He saved people—cured them of illness and disease. As a child, he understood why his father sometimes missed events in his life. People didn't stop getting sick or injured just because he had a tee-ball game or band recital._

_Despite his hero worship of his father, he never wanted to do what his father did. That was his older brother Emmett's dream. And he didn't want to steal it from his brother. Emmett was three years older than him and his childhood playmate, best friend, and worst enemy all at the same time._

_His early memories of his mother, Esme were faint. He was never sure what was real or imagined—probably because the memories that were so engrained in him were starkly vivid and frightening. So who knows when she turned away from Carlisle and started hating him—resenting him for his success, his hard work, and his long hours away from home._

_And he wondered how much had to do with the fact she had a problem—though she vehemently denied it. That particular memory when he was eight and his father had decided enough was enough was burned into his memory._

_There was a slamming of doors and loud voices. His mother screaming at the top of her lungs, "How dare you, Carlisle! You're going to leave me and your children? They'll hate you forever!"_

"_No, Esme," Carlisle replied, his voice firm and yet soft. "You need help. I can't sit around and watch you do this anymore. As soon as I can get everything set up in the new place I'll be back for the boys. Teresa will be staying here to keep an eye on them for now."_

"_Oh, I have a problem," she sneered. "What about you? How about the fact you missed Emmett's soccer game last week? Or Edward's conferences?"_

_He sighed, "I know I haven't been as good a father as I could be. The company is just starting to take off and I've finally found a couple partners I can trust. That alone will give me more time to be with the boys. Every time I miss out on something—it hurts. But this isn't about me—this is about you and your drinking."_

"_I'm __**not **__an alcoholic. Alcoholics are bums living on the street, people who sit in bars for hours on end—pathetic people. So what if I like to have a glass or two of chardonnay or merlot. That doesn't mean I have a problem."_

_Another soft sigh was heard and the words that followed were spoken so quietly that Edward didn't understand them or their significance. "It's a problem when it affects your relationships. Emmett's scared to have friends over. Edward told me you showed up drunk to his conferences—the teacher called me to make sure everything was okay at home. It's been months since we've been intimate and even longer since we've slept in the same room. I don't know what to do anymore but what we're doing isn't working. I have to do this for the boys—even if it doesn't seem like it—they are my first priority. Everything I've worked for is so they will have a legacy."_

_After he left, Esme decided to attend AA and try sobriety. A single night had his parents reluctantly reconciling when his mother found out she was expecting again. His little sister Alice was born a year after their one and only separation. It wasn't until years later that he learned the other half of the story of why his father had wanted to leave. _

_His father—his hero had a whole other family. He had a half-brother and sister-twins Jasper and Rosalie. And even though they worked at Cullen Pharmaceuticals—it was never mentioned. The twins were five years younger than him and four years older than Alice. And his father was stuck between two families—the one he wanted and the one he had._

FF_8560086 10/19/2012 6:41AM


	30. Chapter 29: Harder to Breathe

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

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Chapter 29

Harder to Breathe

Several hours later Leah woke up hungry and startled by the unfamiliar surroundings. For a moment she panicked; her breathing and heart rate rapid. Her sudden movements woke Edward up and he turned over to turn on the lamp.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she answered shakily. "I just forgot for a second where I was. I'm not used to waking up in strange places—and maybe being home has me unsettled, too."

He reached a hand over and stroked along her back in a reassuring manner. "You fell asleep earlier but how about a bath? That might help you relax and soothe the sting from earlier too."

She nodded noting the residual discomfort. Propping a few pillows behind her, she leaned against the headboard and watched as he walked over to the Jacuzzi tub in the corner of the room and started the water. She hadn't glanced around the room very much earlier so she had missed it. For the hotel being in Port Angeles—it rivaled hotels they had stayed at in Seattle and other large cities.

"Is it too late to order room service?"

He glanced at the alarm clock; it was after midnight. "Probably but there's a 24-hour diner down the street so after your bath I can run and get something."

Once the bath was filled, he crossed the room and held his hand out to her. She grasped it and moved off the bed. She winced slightly and he noticed it. His arms wrapped around her and he held her close for a moment while he softly kissed her face.

"I shouldn't have let you sleep. I could've helped you bathe earlier," he said quietly.

"I'm fine."

No other words were spoken as they made their way to the tub. He got in first with her following. She positioned herself so her back towards his chest and she lay against him. He was right the warm water felt nice and the jets were already massaging some of the tension from her body.

The silence between them was ominous. Both of them trying to decide how to start their talk—the talk that had been brewing since before she sent the missive. It was hard to say how long it had been lingering in both their minds. Months—perhaps even a year.

"Are you ready to tell me what's going on?"

She inhaled sharply; her heart suddenly pounding furiously. She felt sick to her stomach and struggled against jumping out of the tub, grabbing her clothes, and running to the safety of anywhere else.

"Maybe…I don't know," she answered quietly. "I don't know how to explain it."

"Why don't you try? If I don't understand something—I'll ask for clarification. You trust me with so much, Leah. Trust me with this. Please."

She didn't know where to start and when she finally did it was rambling account. Switching between the past and the present—her old life in La Push, Paul, Emily's betrayal, leaving and going to school, meeting him, their relationship—her words weaved a tale which wasn't all that surprising to him. He had always wondered what had happened—who had hurt her so deeply that she wouldn't let anyone closer than what she did.

"Is this why you want a break?"

"I don't know. It's not that I don't care but…do you ever want more? My mom asked me how I feel about you and I couldn't answer her—I couldn't even answer how you feel about me. Shouldn't I be able to?"

"I want whatever you're willing to give. Do I want more? I'm not sure—I just know there's always been something there which prevents our relationship from being more. You push me away—not physically or verbally but…how do I put it…there are things I've wanted to say or do but I don't knowing I could lose you."

They continued to talk until the water was cool. Each discussed their feelings and fears. When he finally noticed the goose bumps on her skin, he pulled the stopper on the drain and helped her to stand. He wrapped a towel around his waist and then turned his attention to drying her. Once his task was completed he saw to his own comfort.

From his suitcase he pulled out a tee-shirt, jeans, and boxers so he could pick up food for them. She grabbed the shirt he had been wearing earlier, slipping it on, and buttoning it before she crawled back into bed. Silently, she watched as he dressed. His face impassive and she wondered how he managed to hide his feelings—she was now sure that he cared for her, deeply, perhaps even loved her. It was in the things he said and how he cared for her. The fears he expressed.

"I'll be back in a bit. Anything in particular you want?"

She gave him a few different options, unsure what they would be serving or have available on their menu. He came to stand by her side of the bed and without him saying a single word she leaned towards him. Her arms wrapped around his middle as he leaned down and kissed the top of her head. The embrace barely taking place and then he was gone; leaving her to dwell on their talk and her thoughts and feelings.

FF_8560086 10/19/2012 6:46AM


	31. Chapter 30: 1234

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

**AN: Sorry for the delay...the last couple of weeks have been brutal-I had several papers due plus a PowerPoint. Grr... So here's a couple of chaps and I'll hopefully have some more tomorrow.**

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Chapter 30

1234

Her nervousness increased as she waited for him to return so she found herself cleaning up the room. His suit and her dress were picked up and hung in the closet. Their shoes met the same fate. A check of the bathroom showed he had put the _toys_ away.

It wasn't until she glanced around the room—realizing everything was in its place that she realized she had nothing to wear other than the dress and shoes she had come in. She groaned softly. Her brother had already called her out on her outfit—what was going to happen when she showed up at home later today? It looked like a _walk of shame_ was in her near future.

Instead of worrying about it further as her self-induced ulcer definitely couldn't handle any additional stress, she checked the mini-bar to see what they had to drink. Of course, there were the small plastic bottles which held a variety of liquor but thankfully there were also bottled waters and orange juice.

Glancing in the mirror, she decided she was satisfied that his shirt would cover enough of her body so she could get some ice from the machine. Grabbing the plastic bin and key card, she left the room and walked down the hall to fill it with ice. This time around she took a bit interest in her surroundings and was pleasantly surprised by the hotel.

The décor was modern but yet timeless. A haven she would never have expected to find in Port Angeles. Maybe…just maybe depending on what they decided, this could be a compromise if they were to visit her family in the future. Close enough they would be able to make the drive back and forth but not so close they didn't have privacy.

When she arrived back in the room she finished putting the finishing touches on the small table. The hotel provided actual glasses but she still took the time to wash them—not trusting whoever cleaned the room. She had been in enough hotels and seen enough things to know not everyone's standards were the same.

She frowned at the lack of tableware—it couldn't be helped though. It was late and room service was closed therefore they would have to make do with the plastic ware and paper napkins from the diner. She heard the sound of the lock clicking which announced Edward's arrival.

Walking over to the door she went into her _role_ just the same as her heart beat without thought. The bag he held she took from his hand and set down on the table before returning to him. She pulled his coat from his shoulders and hung it in the closet. Then bending down she removed his shoes.

His eyes were trained on her and he couldn't stop himself from reaching a hand down and placing it on the top of her head. Her dark black locks shimmered in the dim light. Everything she did was done without words but he knew she needed him as much as he needed her.

His dominance—or the need he had was matched by her submission. And with her submission, she opened herself up to him in a way he had never experienced with anyone else. He would do anything for her—even if it would hurt him. That's where his worry lay; he could read her but he didn't understand what she wasn't saying anymore. Even the words she spoke seemed to have a hidden meaning to them.

Rising up, she lead him to the table and he noticed the small touches she had already done for their meal. Her head remained bowed as she murmured quietly, "Please sit, sir."

He followed her directive and sat down. Then she proceeded to pull the containers out of the bag. He had lucked out and the diner was able to provide some paper plates along with the plastic ware. She dished food onto a single plate; knowing his likes and dislikes. Once she was satisfied, she placed the plate in front of him along with utensils. Lastly, she added a few ice cubes to one of the glasses before she adding some bottled water to it.

For a few minutes he allowed her to serve him. She fed him small bites of food and sips of water. He was hungry but he knew she was too and when her stomach growled loudly—he pulled her onto his lap.

He kissed her temple before telling her, "Thank you, Leah. Now let's get something into you."

The rest of their meal was consumed by them feeding each other. At some point using anything other than their fingers seemed out of place. Tongues, lips, and teeth touched fingers as they pulled delicate bites of food from them.

It wasn't long before their hunger for food was satiated but another hunger was burning in them. Her legs and arms wrapped around him while he easily picked her up and carried her to the bed. Their touches soft yet frantic in need, gentle with just a hint of his earlier roughness but there was a lingering tenderness that brought tears to her eyes. And when they came neither could tear their eyes from the other.


	32. Chapter 31: The Reason

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

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Chapter 31

The Reason

Morning dawned with bright sunlight streaming in through the window. The room slowly being warmed by the rising sun. Though neither of them made a move to get up; Leah seemed to be avoiding the coming day more so than Edward. Instead she curled herself further into his side. Her face burrowed into his chest with her eyes squeezed tightly shut.

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't fall back asleep. She sighed loudly before thrashing her legs. She hated wanting to sleep but being unable to. Since she was a young girl she had always had trouble sleeping unless it was completely dark. The tiniest bit of light was just enough to wake her up.

"Grumpy this morning, _lilla_?"

"No," she pouted.

He chuckled softly at her before leaning down to kiss her forehead. "Well, being we're both awake—I'll order room service."

She bundled further into the covers as his leaving took some warmth away from the bed. The pillow that had been resting underneath his head was quickly grabbed and she snuggled into it; breathing in the scent of him that was left behind. His scent was a mixture of sandalwood and spice. She always found it comforting. Maybe before he left she could convince him to leave behind his shirt or something that had his scent imbedded on it.

Her eyes followed him around the room. He didn't take the time to pull on any clothes so she was able to view his sinewy form. His time in London seemed to remove the slight tanned glow he previously had from their weekend trip to Florida a month ago. Though it didn't seem his recent trip had stopped him from working out.

His skin was pulled taut over his muscles; in some places it seemed to be stretching in earnest to hold his limbs together. Despite his definition, he was nowhere near what a body builder looked like. Instead, there was an aspect of leanness to his frame. His bone structure a cross between delicate and manly.

She loved to feel the power he had in his limbs. Thoughts of his strength combined with gentleness had her biting her lip; her cheeks and nether regions flushing. Closing her eyes, she imagined the feel of his body against hers—not exactly soft but not really rough or coarse; the bit of hair on his lower belly that paved a trail to his cock.

The biggest shock the first time she ever saw him naked were his tattoos. He seemed too straight-laced, too stiff, too formal—to have any part of his body marred by a needle and ink. Soon enough though, she learned the story behind each one. They all had a special meaning. There was even the one he got a year or so after they had started their relationship—a lion and a lamb on his lower left chest.

Though he tried to deny it was for her; telling her it was simply in honor of his favorite biblical quote—she knew it had more significance than that. There was no quote in the bible which had a lion in the lamb in the same sentence. It was a simple misquote done by thousands of people over many years.

_And the lamb will lay down with the lion._

_After their first intense meeting, he was careful to not approach her as he had. His seduction was slow and calculated. And whether she realized it or not—slowly she was intoxicated by his presence, his scent, his smile. She found ways to be near him. Offering to work longer hours and volunteering for various projects. _

_A month after their introduction, he made his first deliberate move into the beginning of their relationship. It was a Friday evening and everyone was leaving for the night. Unluckily, the piece of shit car she had since she was sixteen decided it wasn't going to start. So, she walked back to the building intent on calling a tow truck and getting a cab ride home. _

_She ran into him just as he was leaving his office. It was the first time they had been alone since that first day. Her body felt coiled like a spring. The slightest pressure and she would snap. She was nervous—skittish. _

_His deep voice called to her body; it seemed to cause a tremor to fall over her, "I must apologize for my actions on your first day here." His emerald eyes burned with an intensity that took her breath away. "I'm sure someone—my mother, perhaps my father—or even a grandparent taught me manners and decorum. Being in your presence has made me forget the simplest rules of etiquette. Can you ever forgive me?" _

_Her tongue twisted into a knot and she nodded mutely. Unsure of what he was asking—what he was trying to tell her. His words seemed to be a very intriguing enigma which only heightened her interest in him._

"_Why don't we start over? My name's Edward Cullen," he greeted as he held his hand out towards hers. Glancing down she placed her hand in his and felt a current run through her body. The coil snapping and she fell—hook, line, and sinker._

She was shaken from her remembrances by his voice calling name. The reason for the interruption was the arrival of their breakfast. The bellboy brought in the white linen covered cart which was filled with silver platters which were covered to keep the food warm. Still caught between her memories and reality; she was barely able to acknowledge the hotel employee but she managed a curt nod to signify she needed nothing further.

They sat down at the table and Edward took over her normal role. He seemed to realize she was rattled by something and didn't take issue with it. The meal was eaten mostly in silence until he finally spoke, "So…what are your thoughts?"

She paused as she thought for a moment. Part of her decision made but there were still more to discuss. "Will you come home with me—just for tonight? I'd like you to meet my family."

He wasn't shocked by her request. His hand reached over the table and he laid it on top of her trembling one. "Of course I will."


	33. Chapter 32: Bleeding Love

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

**AN: I think this may be the only chap for tonight...sorry...but it took awhile to write and it's long, too-so I'm hoping that this will make up for that. Next chap will be with the family-not quite dinner but a bit that I need to bring to light first.**

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Chapter 32

Bleeding Love

After breakfast she realized it was still early and she had promised her family to be home before noon. She completed a quick calculation and was more than satisfied when she grasped there was just enough time for them to do more than just shower and get ready. A faint smile pulled at her lips while her eyes light up like fire.

Sauntering over to his suitcase she pulled on the zipper and opened it up. Years of traveling together laid his packing secrets open—she knew exactly how he put things into his bag. She had packed for him before; the skill important because part of their play sometimes involved her gathering what items she wished him to use. Leaving his bag messy or rummaged through; left her open to a display of dominance—punishment for her transgression.

Carefully she moved his clothing to the side until she found what she was looking for. She nearly had the prize in her hand when his voice interrupted her causing her to jump.

"What do you think you're doing?"

Her hand clamped over the satiny items and she turned around to face him. Head bowed slightly, her arms relaxed at her sides, and her body positioned so that it was visible for his scrutiny. She waited with baited breath for him to move those few meters that would put him in front of her.

At the first touch her eyes closed as his hand stroked down her side. She was unable to hold back the shiver at his touch. Her skin breaking out in goose bumps.

"Aww…you want to play," he murmured; his lips brushing her ear.

"Mmm, hmm," were all the words she could muster.

He reached down, easily plucking the items from her hand. His other hand reached around her and brought her body flush against his. The thin cotton of his tee-shirt he wore and his dress shirt she had on were no barrier against the heat of their two bodies. Her hands were no longer content to rest idly at her sides; instead one reached to tangle in hair while the other wrapped around his waist.

Her actions brought their bodies closer together and she had no choice but to lift her head up. Their eyes meeting only a moment before their lips did. The kiss a show of dominance; his tongue thrust forward into her mouth—the very action of it mimicking sex.

Slowly they crab-walked to the bed; a gentle nudge from him was all it took and she was sitting on it. She moved up into the bed, leaning back and using her arms to move herself. Once she was centered on the bed the shirt she wore was removed and thrown to the floor.

A single eyebrow arched in her direction, "Is that how you treat my things, little girl?"

She didn't answer—there was nothing to say. Instead she stretched out on the bed; her movements feline. She raised her arms above her head and lightly grasped the headboard. The telltale evidence of desire showed between her legs—more evident as she softly thrust her hips upwards.

Their eyes met once again. Each one seeming to size up the other and their intrinsic worth—neither found wanting. He stripped his clothing from his body and crawled onto the bed next to her. A single question remaining in his eyes as his hands hovered near her wrists.

"Please."

The single word was his undoing. The ribbon he had only used mere hours ago to tie her limbs behind her was looped through the rails on the headboard and around her wrists. Tight enough so she couldn't pull her wrists free but the satiny softness of the ribbon wouldn't leave a mark on her smooth skin.

He grabbed the second item she had pulled from his bag—a black sleep mask. He always left it packed in his suitcase as it was handy to have for long flights and trying to get his body flipped around to the right time zone when he traveled for business. Seeing his intent she lifted her head slightly and then he placed it so the material covered her eyes.

She was encased in darkness; her wrists bound but she never felt freer. Ever sense was on high alert—well, those that she could use. Her skin tingled in anticipation. His scent and that of her desire filled her lungs; pungent in the air. Her ears perked up and she listened to the raspy sound of their breathing. Her mouth watered as she imagined his first touch.

She was aware of his next actions before he spoke a word to direct her. The bed dipped as he moved closer. His voice commanding as he spoke one word, "Open."

Doing as she was instructed, her lips parted and her tongue darted to moisten them. This single action had her tongue brushing against the hot velvet feel of his cock. She tasted rather than saw the solitary bead of pre-cum that leaked from the engorged tip. Her head turned to the side allowing her to take his length into her mouth more easily.

Even while her mouth, tongue, and lips worked on his length he wasn't immobile. One hand traced the contours of her body. The other hand rubbed along her hollowed cheek. His actions caused her cheek to rub against his cock and soon it was too much sensation.

He pulled away from her and she whined. Running his eyes down her body starting at her face—he slowly took her in; the flush of her cheeks, her lips reddened and swollen, her golden skin, and pebbled rose-colored nipples. He dragged his eyes further down; the dip of her waist, the indent of her navel, and finally the hairless cleft between her thighs.

His fingers journeyed along her body the same as his eyes had only moments before. He brushed against her lips which parted; her tongue poking out to swirl his fingertips; down to her neck and chest. Each area he noted earlier was stroked, caressed, and fondled until his fingers finally brushed against her glistening swollen flesh.

She arched her hips toward him; seeking his touch—begging for it. Her hips slowly undulated to his precise and calculated strokes. He stoked the fire and watched as her body trembled and shook. Her breath caught in her lungs and she felt dizzy from the lack of fresh oxygen.

His fingers stilled for a moment and he leaned over to whisper, "Breathe."

She took several deep gulps of air; the dizziness abating. A sobbing moan broke from her throat as his hands roughly grasped her thighs and pulled them upwards so her feet rested on the bed. Her hips suspended above the bed and he rubbed against her slit. The moisture of her arousal made it easy for him to slide against her flesh. The tip of his cock bumped against her swollen clit and she struggled to hold herself up—the tension in her body intense.

"Please," she breathed as a shudder racked her from head to toe.

He plunged into her depths. His hands gripped her skin where her ass met her legs. The actions two-fold; one was to hold her in place and the other to simultaneously pull her back towards him. As he drew her hips closer to him—her wrists were tugged downwards against their bonds.

His thrusts were slow and deep, hitting all the right spots. Soon it wasn't enough—it needed to be harder and faster and he compiled with her pleading requests. Moments before he found his release she shattered. Her hips jerked against his firm hold while her wrists strained against the ribbon. As he thrust a final time, his hand reached for the bow and pulled the ribbon free. Their lips met in a final bruising kiss as she tugged her wrists free.


	34. Chapter 33: Stop and Stare

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

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Chapter 33

Stop and Stare

Before either of them could succumb to their post-coital languorous feelings he tugged the mask from her eyes and then pulled her with as he got out of bed. Then gently hauled her to the bathroom. While he turned on the water she gazed at the mirror to take in the damage. She didn't look worse for wear—well loved, perhaps but overall there were no lingering effects to their recent activities.

It didn't take long before the water was at the right temperature and she was guided to the shower as he followed. They took turns underneath the water and washing each other up. Their actions once again stoking the flames but he was the first to pull away, resisting their base desires.

"Leah, honey, you promised your family you'd be home this morning. Not afternoon. Plus I have a few errands to run before I'll be driving out to your mom's house."

"I know," she sighed. Disappointed by her yearning to procrastinate what could very well be the most uncomfortable day of her life.

He managed to surprise her though. Once their shower was completed and after both of them were dried off—while she looked in distaste at her dress hanging in the closet—he pulled an outfit from his bag. A complete outfit—top, a pair of pants, shoes, even undergarments. Tags were still hanging from them, showing it to be a recent purchase. At further inspection, she realized it was most likely just a couple of many things he had bought for her while he was in London.

She eagerly grasped the clothes from him. Excited not so much by the fact they were designer or from London but they were a gift—from him to her. Something he picked out with her in mind which would fit perfectly and make her feel confident, sexy, and sophisticated. It was exactly what she needed to face the firing squad waiting for her in La Push.

"Oh, it's perfect," she breathed. With sheer reverence she pulled, clasped, zipped, and buttoned the clothes on her body.

He watched her the entire time with a soft smile on his face. Her excitement was contagious as she twirled in a circle showing off his purchases. His arms reached forward and he gently grasped her arms.

"Don't make yourself dizzy. And it's not the clothes that are perfect. It's you. Now let's pack up your dress and shoes so I can walk you to your car."

The drive back La Push seemed to go too fast. The miles flying by and barely giving her time to recollect the last twenty-four hours; it definitely wasn't enough time to prepare her.

Pulling into the driveway she took note of the cars in the driveway. Her brother, mom, and Bella's cars; it was time to draw on the inner strength that seemed to flee when she was home. It was hard to decide who she should blame—herself, her family, Paul, fate. All of them played a part in her leaving and wanting to never return.

It was time to face the demons of her past—head on. She had managed to do it for the last two weeks, she could keep doing it. While things with Edward weren't completely resolved or decided; she was closer to making a decision than what she had been when she had foolishly tried to break their relationship off with an email.

She arrived much later than what she intended. It was nearly noon; she took a few breaths to prepare before opening the door. The clothes she wore the night before along with her clutch were neatly packed into a bag. She debated on leaving her newest shoes by the door but the entryway wasn't very large and so she slipped them off and picked them up. Childhood habits die hard, apparently.

Entering the kitchen quietly, she was quickly pulled into the tableau. Her mom, brother, and Bella along with Angela and Amelia finishing brunch; the very picture of a family unit. It pulled her in at the same time it pushed her away. It wasn't an excuse for her reaction to her brother's innocent remark but she didn't need another reminder of all the things she had missed out on.

"Look who decided to return," his response meant to be in jest but at the moment it didn't feel that way.

"Screw you, Seth! I'm an adult whether you choose to accept it or not. You're not my father and you don't get to tell me what to do."

She wanted to hit, kick—hurt him. The desire washed over her in a wave. He didn't understand what it was like—what she had been through or how it felt when her world was ripped apart. He used girls like they were toys—disposable in every way. Angela was the first girl they had been introduced that didn't seem to fit into his normal conquests.

"Leah," Sue harshly reprimanded as she glanced over where Amelia was sitting.

They watched as Bella grabbed Amelia's hand offering, "Let's go walk to the beach." They walked to the door and Angela followed closely behind. The door closing softly signaled their departure.

"Before you call me on my behavior or reactions…maybe you need to take a look in the mirror, Leah. I'm not the one who avoids their family at all costs—_leaves _the moment their sibling arrives. And that's not even the beginning. _Fuck_, the shit that Sam told me about your boyfriend makes me wonder about the kind of people you associate with."

"Sam? You're going to judge someone you've never met based on your best friend's opinion? And you're calling me a hypocrite? Hardly," she snorted.

"You _fucked_ him in the diner! Where anyone could have walked by," he shouted as he suddenly stood and shoved his chair away from the table. The legs scraped against the wood floors and gouged them. He remained several feet from her as he glared at her.

"What?! I did _not_ have sex with him there. I'm sorry if I was a little flustered and out of sorts when he showed up out of the blue without a phone call. We discussed talking when he got back to town—I didn't expect him to show up here. I was surprised and yes, when I returned to the table…maybe I acted strange. Wouldn't you too, if the last time you spoke to the person you'd been with for years after you told them in an email…you weren't sure of your relationship anymore."

"Years? Really, Leah? Do you even consider us your family anymore?"

"Ridiculous. I'm more than willing to admit my mistakes and how they've caused the rift in our relationship. I know I've avoided you and mom. I know exactly how much I've missed out on. Do you think I enjoy coming home and seeing that nothing is what it was when I left? And I have no one to blame but myself," she explained; her voice raspy as she held back the urge to cry and tears glinted in her eyes.

"Seth, stop it. I know you're upset but it's not going to be overnight for things to go back to how they were," Sue chided; her arms pulling Leah into a hug.

The warmth of her mom's embrace gave her the strength to continue. "You don't understand what it felt like…to come home and see that Paul and Amelia have taken my place. Mom, Charlie, Bella, and you—all of you see them as part of the family but no one breathed a word to me. You had to know I was going to find out when I came home. I could've prepared myself."

"If we said anything you probably wouldn't have come home."

"You don't know that—because you never tried. You suffocated me…ever since it happened. There's a big difference in _submitting_ to someone's wishes or desires because you want to," she paused to see if her emphasis had any impact on him but there was none so it appeared Sam didn't know everything about her and Edward's relationship.

"It got even worse after dad died. I just wanted to move on with my life. Do something for myself and not have anyone tell me what to do or how to do it. I don't begrudge Paul or Amelia for having you guys—not now. I understand the how's and why's behind it. And not dealing with those things like I should have. I'm trying, Seth. I really am but you have to do the same. You don't know Edward but I do. Can you try, be nice, and withhold judgment until you get to know him? I did it for you with Angela. It's not like she isn't the first girlfriend of yours I've met—but Edward is my first relationship—serious relationship since Paul."

"Fine," he agreed stubbornly. "I'm sorry."

"Me, too," she replied and took those final few steps to embrace him.


	35. Chapter 34: How's It Going to Be?

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

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Chapter 34

How's It Going to Be?

After the fight with her brother she felt emotionally drained. Perhaps it was a combination of everything over the past few weeks, their play last night, and her brother's overbearing attitude.

She felt out of sorts and needed to recharge. Quickly excusing herself she ventured upstairs to her room and decided to lay down. It wasn't long before she fell asleep. She was woken an hour later by Bella gently shaking her shoulder.

"Leah?"

Opening her eyes she glanced over at her stepsister and noted the nervous look on her face. Her lower lip was caught between her teeth. Deep creases in her forehead as she frowned.

"I swear I didn't say anything to Sam about what you told me. Sam was the one who brought up what happened in the diner yesterday at dinner last night," she paused as her frown deepened and she looked away guiltily. "Well…maybe I did say something but it was before you said anything to me. I blurted out accidently that you and Edward were maybe having sex. I'm sorry."

She sighed as she sat up. "It's alright, Bella. Don't worry about it. I'm sure Seth and I would've gotten into it sooner or later."

It was the thing she loved about the relationship she had formed with Bella. While they may make mistakes, each accepted the other. She didn't feel her choices in life were judged. Bella may have been shocked by what she shared about her and Edward but in the end—Bella was more curious than appalled.

Edward arrived promptly at four bearing several gifts—a bottle of wine for her mom and some _Vitamin R_ for Charlie. He had also stopped at the diner and picked up an apple pie. Lastly, there was even a gift for Amelia—a small stuffed grey wolf.

She wasn't sure what to think of his consideration. She hadn't realized he paid that close attention to what she had been babbling about last night; much less the small bits and pieces she had shared over the years. Family—either of their families weren't a common topic of discussion.

They were still waiting for Charlie and Paul to arrive, both of them working so they sat outside on the small patio that had been built years ago by Harry for Sue. It had been a gift to her after the birth of Leah; a place for their family to enjoy the beauty that surrounded them.

The conversation was somewhat superficial but her brother kept to his word and didn't mention anything Sam had mentioned. Bella sat perched on Sam's lap while he seemed to gaze disapprovingly at her and Edward sitting on the small bench. It started to piss her off and she wondered whether to say something to him or just ignore him.

"Stop thinking so hard, _lilla_. You're frowning," Edward whispered in her ear. His breath tickled her neck at the same time he reached down and squeezed her hand.

He was right she was thinking too hard. It didn't matter what Sam thought about Edward—it wasn't his choice to make about her relationship or who she was with. There was time to let him know later that his only concern needed to be Bella. She already had an older brother to fuss and worry over her.

When Charlie and Paul arrived, another round of introductions began. She watched as Charlie gripped Edward's hand firmer and longer than necessary and gave him a cop stare that she doubted could be rivaled. Paul's greeting was much more subdued and his focused was quickly pulled to his daughter who was showing him the present she had received.

"That was very nice of him, Mia. Did you thank Edward?"

"O' course, papa. Unca Billy told me about the wolves. They're my favorite."

With the arrival of Charlie and Paul, the grill was started. Bella and her mom went inside to work on the sides to their meal while Charlie played grill master. Amelia snuggled in Paul's side and told him about her day and all the fun she had with Seth, Angela, and Bella.

She couldn't help but look back and forth between her past and present—to Paul and Edward. Edward had dressed casually which wasn't an uncommon occurrence but at the same time it was. He might not always wear a suit and tie but the sight of him in a pair of dark slacks and a white dress shirt was a big turn on for her.

And just like she had noticed all the changes with Paul, she noticed the differences between her two lovers—former and present. How at ease and comfortable Paul was around her family. It still made her feel jealous, mad, irritated—she wasn't sure any longer what her exact thoughts were. Edward, meanwhile, appeared relaxed but she could feel his discomposure. It wasn't that he didn't want to meet her family—it was just a lot to take in at once. Especially knowing he was meeting the one and only person she had ever thought she was going to love.


	36. Chapter 35: Good Riddance

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

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Chapter 35

Good Riddance

Her hope that the day could continue on as well as it had was shattered when they sat down to eat. Sitting in the backyard had meant there was a comfortable distance between everyone. Once the food was finished, they moved into the dining room as it was the only place with enough seats for them to all sit together.

It put the formal touch on what should be a relaxed family dinner. She squirmed in her seat—her stomach suddenly uneasy. The conversation had been on the most mundane of topics but now it seemed as though the desire was for them to learn about Edward. And she didn't mind that, it was their right to know a bit about who she was dating—it was the approach.

"So, Edward," Charlie started with an expression similar to one he used to interrogate the youth of Forks when they were up to no good. "Are you related to the Cullen's of Cullen Pharmaceuticals?"

Edward paused; shock evident on his face as Leah muttered softly so that only he could hear, "Fuck."

Taking a sip of lemonade before answering; he glanced over at Charlie to respond, "Yes, Carlisle is my father. Both me and my brother Emmett work at the family business."

"Hmm. Is that what you wanted to do?"

"No, not really at first," he answered truthfully. "My father despaired that I would ever have a career that would pay the bills. I majored in art and history with a minor in music. My brother was the one who always had big dreams to follow in our father's shoes. He's the one who will eventually be the lead researcher. After I received my bachelor's—my father insisted that I go back to school and get something that would provide me a real means to support myself. So my masters degree is in business administration and human resources."

"And now you enjoy it?"

"Of course, I've had many opportunities to meet new people, travel, and make my parents proud of me."

"You say that as if you've done something they wouldn't be proud of," Sam remarked.

Leah frowned and glared at Sam. _Fucking asshole_ she thought. Before she could tell Sam to mind his own business, Edward answered.

"I think children—any child wants their parents to be proud of them. Perhaps my feelings come from the arguments I had with them over my choice of college and focus. That being said I meant it though as a more generic statement. I'm assuming you all are very proud of Leah, yes?" He waited for the majority of the room's occupants to nod before continuing, "It's no different than that."

"You're not worried about how people may view your relationship with Leah," Sam probed.

"What exactly do you mean by that?"

Charlie was the one to clarify. "Obviously, you both work for the same company and I'm sure it's possible that others may think that her promotion could be a form of nepotism."

"That's not a concern, Charlie. Very few, if anyone knows of our relationship. Our business and private lives are completely separate," she supplied. Had this night turned into grill Leah's boyfriend?

"Humph."

"What is everyone's issue," she asked as calmly as she could. "First Seth who only got started in on this morning, Sam's acting like he has a stick shoved where the sun doesn't shine, and now you too, Charlie?"

"We're concerned—all of us."

"About what and why?"

"You barely speak to your mom or brother…"

She rolled her eyes at his words. "And that's concerning because…I shouldn't have to explain every detail of my life all the time. I already told Seth this morning and mom and I talked about it days ago. I acknowledge I've been distant and this summer is about trying to rectify that but my distance has nothing to do with your interrogation."

"She's right, Charlie," Sue agreed. "Is there a point to all this?"

"I'm just trying to get to know him, darling."

Bella snorted, "Dad, really?"

"I am," he repeated resolutely as his neck flushed under the scrutiny of his wife, daughter, and stepdaughter.

Clearing his throat a single time, Edward spoke, "Perhaps I can set your mind at ease, sir. While I understand and appreciate your concerns for your stepdaughter, I have a younger sister and as such would want to know whoever she is with is worthy of her affection. My relationship with Leah has always been a private matter because I have never wanted our relationship to overshadow her success. I also respect her privacy and I know how important it is to her. I would never do anything to harm her."


	37. Chapter 36: Inside Out

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

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Chapter 36

Inside Out

To say she was shocked and speechless by Edward's declaration would be the understatement of the year. His words and the conviction resonated throughout the room—and she wasn't the only one affected.

He was only making her decision so much harder. All the worries she had about whether they could have a future together were rapidly flying out the window. It seemed possible to have her cake and eat it too, but was it what she really wanted?

Amelia broke through the silence, her small voice piping up, "Bumpa, Leah and Edward can marry and have babies just like Auntie Bella and Sam."

Everyone laughed nervously, albeit two of them had chuckles which were much softer and less hearty than the others. Leah was the only one who noticed and she darted a glance to her brother and Angela. He looked a little green and it was the first time she saw how Angela glowed.

She debated on calling her brother out on it but in the end she decided against it. It was their news to share. After dinner they moved back outside and Charlie started a fire. The conversation focused on _safe _topics though she still felt the scrutiny of Sam's gaze and occasionally Paul's.

If she had ever wondered what it felt like to be a bug under a microscope—she was getting the experience now. She was quickly learning to ignore it as she snuggled further into Edward's arms.

Just as it began to get dark, she glimpsed a tall figure pushing someone in a wheelchair. As the pair came closer, she realized it was Jacob bringing Billy over. The Clearwaters and Blacks were nearly next door neighbors. Only the woods and a few houses separated them. It was probably the very reason their two families had been close.

This had changed shortly after Harry died. While both Harry's friends stepped in to support his widow. Leah remembered hearing from Bella that Charlie and Billy's relationship became strained when Sue and Charlie found more in common than just Harry.

"Hey, Billy," Charlie greeted. "Jacob," he replied his voice cold and disdainful. At least some things were consistent; Charlie's dislike of Jacob.

Seth trotted over to the pair and remarked, "Hey, Billy." In the dark she couldn't see the look her brother gave Jacob nor hear the words he whispered to him but Jacob was quick to tell his father goodbye and quickly turn to leave in the direction he had come from.

Seth pushed Billy over to the group while they reorganized the chairs to make room. Once again, introductions were done. Both Leah and Seth bringing their respective partners over to Billy and introducing them to their tribe's chief. These days the title of chief was more of a honor versus an actual role; though Billy along with several other elected members were part of the tribal council which helped to make decisions regarding the reservation, federal funds granted to the tribe, and other various things.

It had been forever since she had heard them but after they exhausted talking about what everyone was up to, Sam and Bella's wedding, and the gossip around La Push and Forks—Billy offered to tell some of the legends. The very same legends Bella had used as a basis for her book. Amelia excitedly clapped her hands and ran over to Billy, clambering onto his lap before any of them could blink.

"Please, Billy, tell the story about the wolves."

The sound of Billy's voice brought the legends of their tribe to life. She closed her eyes while she listened; her fingers twining with Edward's. She could envision herself as a maiden of the tribe or perhaps even a _spirit warrior_ finding her family, friends, and tribe surrounded by an evil that threatened their very existence.

Maybe she should suggest Bella write another book but this time focusing on the spirit warriors. Or just a female warrior and the struggles she had to find peace and blessings with being the only one of her kind. It was an intriguing idea.


	38. Chapter 37: Here Without You

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

**AN: This will be the last chap until next week. I'm working the weekend but I promise to update soon. **

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Chapter 37

Here Without You

It got darker and later; slowly their gathering broke up. Paul and Amelia were the first to say goodbye—though Amelia was fast asleep so she really wasn't able to. At some point she had fallen asleep on Billy's lap, the wolf Edward had bought clutched in her tiny hands.

Next, it was Sam and Billy who left. Sam offered to give Billy a ride home so Charlie and Sue walked Billy to Sam's car while Sam said goodbye to Bella. The two of them melding together as they embraced; the clasp of their arms around each other reviled pictures she remembered seeing in history books of soldiers returning from war to their sweethearts.

Though it was late, she and Edward still needed to finish talking. She couldn't see it happening here where they were. She wanted privacy—free from prying eyes and ears. After Sam's car drove away she stood and held her hand towards him.

"Should we go for a walk? We could go to First Beach," she offered. "It's not as easy to see its beauty at night but…"

"I'd love to," he answered understanding the underlying current of her request.

She waved to her brother, Angela, and Bella before turning, her hand easily slid back into his waiting one. They walked in silence passing by several houses on their way to the beach. One of them being the Black residence; it was hard to tell in the dark but she could see the small improvements courtesy of Sam and Paul on Billy's house.

The roof gleamed in the moon light. The front shutters no longer hung precariously waiting for a strong wind to blow them from their perch. The ramp to the entryway was painted white with darker strips on the center of the boards—the only thing she could think they were was some type of non-slip surface.

The half mile walk only took fifteen minutes. The sound of the ocean had grown louder as they neared. The cliffs surrounding the beach were illuminated and in the distance she could see James Island. It was the place where their tribe had once temporarily moved to protect themselves from other tribes; it was also the place where they buried the chiefs of their tribe.

"I can only imagine how beautiful it must be during the day," he remarked. "The place where you grew up and the stories of your tribe—I can't find words to describe them."

She nodded, tears glinting, "I had forgotten so much being away. How much I love it here."

They walked just a bit further until they came upon several pieces of driftwood that washed up on the beach from time to time. He sat down first, his legs straddling a log and then reached up to pull her to sit on his lap. His arms wrapped around her securely and he leaned down to breathe in her scent while she tucked her body into him. It was almost as though she was trying to be part of him—her actions made him hold her tighter to him. Intuitively realizing this could be the last time he was ever this close to her.

"I don't know what to say…where to start…" her words so soft they were nearly drowned by the waves crashing to shore.

"If you're worried about my reaction, don't be. What was the first thing I told you—the most important foundation of this? Honesty and trust. Don't let our contract prevent you from that. You know the contract is such a small part of our relationship now; at least that's how I feel."

"Really," she asked surprise evident in her voice. "Then why?"

"Because it's another thing that I thought if I brought up you would take the wrong way."

"Oh," her voice small.

"This is what I think," he started and then proceeded to tell her what his observations were. Some of them were more astute than she could imagine. How easily he was able to see the underlying tension and curiosity between her and Paul. The fact that in order to repair her relationship with her family, she needed to be focused on them—not on the relationship she had with him.

Even the jealousy he described as he talked about the bond her family had—her mom, brother, stepfather, stepsister, and the others: Sam, Paul, and Amelia—even Angela. He confessed he felt a bit like an outsider intruding into their lives. Lastly, he expressed how out of place he felt in a _normal_ family.

"My family life was nothing like yours, Leah. Not even when I was younger. My parents were always at each other's throats. My mother was distant. My father was too busy building his business and cavorting with his mistress—spending time with his other _family_ to know how neglected I felt."

She gasped, "It's true then?" Shaking her head she quickly added, "I'm sorry it's none of my business."

"Jasper and Rosalie? Yes, they're my siblings, though my father's never admitted it. My mother was more than happy to share the information with my brother and me several years after our sister Alice was born about our _bastard_ siblings and their _whore_ of a mother—her words not mine."

"Why? Why would she do that? They were children…how could it be their fault? If anything the mistake was your father's and whoever their mother is…"

"Tanya," he supplied. "My mother doesn't see things that way. Despite how miserable she is with my father—with life in general—it's never her fault. It's always anyone's fault but hers. My father was going to leave her because he was miserable, my brother and I were miserable, and I'm sure some was because he wanted _all _his children and the woman he loved—loves together. Things didn't work out though…Alice came along and my father choose us whether it was the right choice for him or not."

She thought back to Carlisle's words to her just before she took her vacation. Suddenly they made more sense than they ever had. _"Take my advice—sometimes what you think you need and what you actually do are two very different things. Don't make the biggest mistake of your life because you're too afraid to face what's happened in your past head-on."_

"I need you to understand," he reached down and grasped her chin, pulling her face toward his so he could look into her eyes. "I don't want you to make a decision about your future today. Whether your future is with me or someone else—I want you to be free to do what you need to do. It's not because I don't love you or I don't want you or that you've displeased me in any way. I feel that you can't focus on your family by having what is between us—what could be between us hanging over your head."

She saw the sincerity in his eyes. The sacrifice he was making by giving her freedom—not that she couldn't have asked for it at any time but this was different. He was giving her permission to be here, figure things out, mend fences, and promising that if she wanted him—he would be waiting for her.


	39. Chapter 38: Save Tonight

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

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Chapter 38

Save Tonight

They stayed on the beach, sitting on the uncomfortable piece of driftwood until it grew cold outside. Without even looking at a clock, Leah knew it was late. It was a skill she inherited from her dad; the ability to tell time just by looking at the sky. It was after midnight, mostly likely closer to 1 am by the time they started the walk back toward the house.

She couldn't let go of Edward's hand. The thought of him leaving, even knowing the reasons behind it and understanding how important it was for her to focus on her relationship with her family; it was too much to take in. She didn't want him to leave anymore. She wasn't sure who she was or should be without him.

It wasn't until recently how she had come to realize how much he meant to her. She loved him—was in love with him. But she needed her family in her life too and it seemed _family_ was different to her mom and Seth now.

Charlie and Bella were obvious. Charlie was her stepfather—the second love of her mom's life. Their love and affection didn't detract the depth or breadth of feelings her parents had shared. She could see that know.

And Bella had become so much more than her stepsister. A true friend—her best friend; the only one she felt comfortable confiding in. With Bella marrying Sam in less than a month that meant Sam was going to be part of the family too. She would need to set him straight—she already had one big brother and didn't need another.

Lastly, Paul and Amelia; things had changed in the time she was gone. She was even willing to admit she was wrong about some things. But she was young and couldn't understand or fathom what happened—the amount of hurt, betrayal, and anger she felt when she thought of the two people who had been closest to her besides for her family.

Emily had been her best friend, cousin, _sister_ and had betrayed her. Emily had used Paul in the worst way possible—except the fact Paul was used didn't become apparent until Emily did nearly the same thing to Bella and Jake. Her cousin—ex best friend seemed to enjoy tearing lives apart and spreading unhappiness in her wake. The motives behind her actions weren't clear.

She had never thought Emily was unhappy nor had a bad childhood. There was no reason for her to inflict the damage she did. Emily was just as beautiful as her and perhaps even more striking was the aura of vulnerability that surrounded her. It made boys and men of all ages flock to her; each one trying to _save_ the damsel in distress.

When they finally reached the house she pulled him up the steps. "Please, don't go…" she pleaded. "Not yet."

"Leah," he sighed. "I'm not changing my decision."

"I know…I know…" she replied. Taking a deep breath she turned to him, her dark eyes pleading; the shimmer of tears threatening to break free. "Just for a little while. I just want to fall asleep with your arms around me."


	40. Chapter 39: Iris

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

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Chapter 39

Iris

It wasn't long before Leah fell asleep. He knew he should leave but he was tired and it was hard to. He worried about her. She was trying to be strong—trying not to fall apart because she was scared. And he knew this was only the beginning.

There were so many misconceptions about their lifestyle. Movies, books, and the media tried to sensationalize it. Others tried to repress it—make it seem as though it was wrong, immoral, or against God's edicts.

This wasn't something you could _dabble_ in or have a spontaneous relationship with someone. It certainly wasn't about abusing, controlling, or hurting another person. There had to be connection with your partner for it to work. And it didn't mean that he couldn't make a mistake and take things too far.

What was never talked about or mentioned freely were the effects the relationship could have on both parties. It affected subs more than Doms. That was where his current worry lay; the sudden depression after intense play. He knew without a doubt she was going to experience it and he promised her—was giving her the time she needed with her family.

The sense of worry and distress he felt made him uncomfortable. He wasn't familiar with this intense emotions. It made him wonder if anyone had ever felt like this about him. Trying to calm his racing thoughts, he shifted on the couch and pulled her closer.

Once he had her positioned so they were both comfortable. He grabbed the blanket draped over the back and covered them. Her head rested on his chest, her breathing slow and deep. His face was tickled by her hair and his hand reached upward to smooth it away from his face.

He continued to hold her, watching the rise and fall of her chest, and listening to the soft sounds she made. Slowly, he was lulled into slumber. His eyelids growing ever heavier and he fought against their closing; his efforts futile as he lost the battle.

He woke as the sun was rising over the horizon. His senses coming alert one by one as he realized they were no longer alone. Bella stood awkwardly in the doorway to the living room. Her body half in, half out; her pose suggested she was unsure whether her presence was welcome.

He shifted carefully as though not to wake Leah. There was a small clock on the mantle in the fireplace and his eyes squinted to read the time. 4:15 AM. He'd barely been asleep for more than 3 hours.

Unwinding his body from hers, his gaze focused on her face. She was sound asleep and if there was one thing Leah did well—it was sleep hard. Even more so when she was depressed or overly tired; right now it was a combination of both. She didn't even stir as he repositioned her to lie on the couch.

Standing up straight, he put a finger to his lips as he walked toward Bella. As he got close to her, he crooked a finger gesturing her to follow him. They walked silently into the kitchen; he was only a few paces ahead of her.

"Leah told you a bit about us?" He watched as her cheeks flushed, her teeth flashed as she chewed on her lower lip before nodding.

"Good. We've decided to take a break for the summer but that doesn't mean I'm not worried about her. Sometimes after…" he paused as he wondered how Leah explained it. "A session she gets down. There's a name for it—_sub drop_. It's pretty common. More or less, it's a result of excess endorphins and adrenaline. Afterwards, there's a sharp decrease."

She stared at him in surprise. The bits Leah shared with her didn't cover this but even more surprising to her was the depth of his feelings for Leah. She nodded as words were failing her at the moment.

"I have some things that I bought for her. She has a kit at home and normally I'm there too. But she needs to be here and right now, me and her—well, she needs to fix things with you, the family. She can't do that if she's distracted by our relationship or trying to figure it out."

"What do I need to do?"

He sighed, "It's hard to say. Sometimes, she just needs rest and space. Other times she needs to be held. I'm hoping what I've brought will help. Give me a minute and I'll bring it in."

Moments later, he returned with a large gift bag. Handing it to her, he remarked, "There's a note I wrote in there. She probably won't want to read it—at least not right away. Try to get her to."

"I'll try. What if…I mean, if things…I don't…"

"You can call me; my number's on her phone." He looked away from her before focusing back on her. His eyes pained as he asked, "Would it be alright for me to bring her to your room? I don't think she'll take waking up and me not being there very well. She'll want privacy."

"Of course," she quickly nodded.

She followed behind him, watching as he walked over to Leah and gently picked her up. Leah's body instinctively turned towards his. She led the way upstairs to her room. The bag he had given her, she set down on the chair in front of her desk before crossing over to the bed and pulling the covers down.

It was as if Leah was a fragile package; the gentle care he took in laying her down. She watched, feeling like an interloper as he pulled the blankets over Leah, gently tucking them around her. His final words so soft she barely heard them.

"I meant what I said, _lilla_," he promised as he brushed her hair from her face and leaned down to kiss her forehead.


	41. Chapter 40: No Air

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

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Chapter 40

No Air

Leah came to awareness slowly—notable differences in where she had fallen asleep and where she was waking up. Underneath her body was a mattress much more comfortable then the sofa cushions and then there was the addition of a pillow and blanket. Opening her eyes, she blinked several times to clear the sleep from them; her vision foggy as she looked around.

At first she didn't recognize anything in the room. Her body felt like it was turned around. The placement of the bed and its orientation to the world felt off—different. Her eyes flitted around the room, until she finally realized why it felt so odd to her.

This was Seth's room—well, Bella's room. The room was on the opposite side of the house from hers and for all intents and purposes, it was opposite in every way. It explained why she felt _odd_.

Without turning over, she knew Edward wasn't in bed with her. He hadn't even said goodbye. She sighed, tears burning her eyes. He had left—the promise he had made the night before was of little use to her right now. She wanted him—needed him.

The sadness, hurt, and disappointment suddenly overwhelmed and her tears broke free. Soft sobs echoed in the room. She knew it was for the best but it didn't change her current feelings. Why did he have to abandon her now? It wasn't supposed to be like this—it was going to be different, easier, and less emotional—she couldn't explain it. But it wasn't supposed to be like this.

She was so caught up in her grief that she didn't hear the soft knock or Bella calling her name. Nor did she hear the door open and close. It wasn't until Bella knelt on the floor in front of her that she realized she was no longer alone. Her hands pulled into fists and she wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Leah, do you want to talk about it," Bella asked softly; concern marring her face.

Shaking her head violently and trying but failing to swallow the lump in her throat, she croaked out the word, "No."

"It's okay if you don't want to but I'm here. I want you to know that. Edward left some things for you; do you want me to get them?"

"Really?"

"Of course, he did. He really cares about you," she remarked unable to keep the disbelief from her voice. "I didn't…you never…" her words trailing off as she walked over to the chair to grab the bag.

"I know. I didn't realize it either until now."

She set the bag in front of Leah. "I didn't look in it but he told me there's a note. He really wants you to read that."

Leah sat up and pulled the bag onto the bed. Then she patted the bed next to her, inviting Bella to sit by her. Once Bella was comfortable, she reached into the bag and started to pull the items out. With each item she removed, it brought her closer to understanding what his purpose was. It was an _aftercare_ gift—or gifts.

She had something similar at her house; things that could comfort her when their effects of play took too much out of her. The very first time she experienced the melancholy following play; she worried something was wrong with her. She was only the third partner Edward had been in a relationship like theirs with and he didn't understand what was going on. She didn't understand it either and it frightened her.

_She felt like she was crawling out of her skin. Her skin felt tight and itchy. Her muscles locked down so that she was having hard time breathing. Her mind raced and she couldn't focus on a single thought. _

_There was nothing she could connect to her current feelings. The anxiety, depression—how close she felt to being insane. School was going well. Edward and her relationship was exactly how she wanted it. Personal, yet with a good measure of distance; he didn't hover or crowd her._

_Just as quickly as the dejected and miserable emotions washed over her; it was replaced with anger and irritation. The smallest things set her off. She even snapped at Edward which he quickly reprimanded her for._

_She was embarrassed at the extremes she was displaying. Her challenging attitude towards him; she wanted this relationship—to be with him. What he was to her and how he made her feel was so different from anything she had ever experienced._

_But she couldn't stop her labile emotions. Couldn't stop herself from uttering disrespectful things to her "Sir." She was ashamed; guilt filling her and making things even worse. _

_And Edward, he was being so patient with her—understanding even. Though she didn't deserve it, not after how she acted. Finally, she sought help from a woman she had only met once. Siobhan. She was top—a female Dom and even though she had never been in Leah's current position, Leah needed to talk to another female._

_She contacted Siobhan asking permission to meet with her. Siobhan's first words were, "Have you talked to Edward?"_

"_No," she whispered._

"_Well, I won't meet with you unless he knows and gives permission. You know how it works, Leah."_

"_I know. I'm sorry."_

_In the end, she asked Edward for permission which he granted. She realized he was just as worried as she was. It was Siobhan who explained what was going on with her. The "drop" she was experiencing was from intense play sessions with no aftercare._

_The relief that her symptoms were normal was instantaneous. Siobhan gave her ideas for how to prevent or minimize it. The discussion with Edward was even easier than she expected. Together they put together her "kit" and they assured that afterwards, there was time for both of them to recover, reconnect, and be reassured._


	42. Chapter 41: Wanted

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

**AN: I'm so, so sorry for the long delay between updates. The good news...I've got 4 chaps for you all. The better news...I've got a good start on a new Leah story (and there can never be too many of those, can there?) But I promise not to abandon this story by any means. I was hijacked by my muse.**

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Chapter 41

Wanted

The first day after he left was hard; she couldn't bring herself to leave Bella's room. The note he wrote she turned over and over in her hands. Fear ran through her veins; preventing her from opening it.

Her family was concerned by her sudden and abrupt withdrawal from them. More than once her brother, mom, and even Charlie ventured to the door of Bella's room and tried to get her to talk to them. Most of the time she didn't answer and if they opened the door, she burrowed into the bed and pretended sleep; her breathing slow and even; her features smooth and relaxed.

And Bella let her do it for a while. But it seemed Bella had grown a backbone and was only willing to let Leah wallow in her pity party for only so long before she had enough. The sun was setting and she was sitting in the dark when Bella barged in.

"Enough! You've spent an entire day in here moping. I understand what's going on but you have to either get it together or let me help you. I can't keep hedging dad and Sue's inquiries."

The note she had placed on Bella's nightstand was in her stepsister's hands before she could grab it. Bella's finger slid along the top of the envelope and tore it open. The small square of white paper was removed.

She didn't want to hear what he had written. Too afraid of what he said was different than what he meant. Maybe she had misunderstood his actions and words. Turning away from Bella, she grabbed the blanket and pulled it over her head. The feel of the mattress shifting was her only clue that Bella had moved closer to her.

The first time Bella read his words, she didn't hear them. Instead she blocked out the sound of Bella's voice; cocooning herself in the recesses of her mind. The second time despite no change in Bella's voice, she caught the end of the note. She heard Bella sigh in frustration by her lack of response and the bed shifted again as Bella went to leave.

"I'm sorry, Bella," she whispered. Her throat was sore from her earlier tears; she knew she was dehydrated as she hadn't eaten or drank anything for nearly 24 hours. "Please…one more time," she pleaded softly.

"I will but you need to listen. I can't begin to understand the ins and outs of your relationship with him but it's more than obvious that you both care for each other. He didn't leave you…he's giving you the time and space you wanted—you need."

It was her turn to sigh, "I know."

She pulled the blanket away from her face at the same time she turned in bed. Bella sat on the bed, her back resting against the headboard and her legs extended. Unconsciously she moved closer until her head rested on Bella's thighs. It wasn't the same as when he did it but it was still comforting when Bella's hand rested on her head and lightly brushed her hair.

Bella cleared her throat and began again:

_My dearest lilla,_

_Without a doubt I wish I could be there with you. Even worse is my knowledge that my actions may very well the cause of your distress. When we entered into our agreement I promised to take care of you and never hurt you._

_The second promise seems to be a disputable one. I've left bruised and reddened flesh in my wake. And yet, we both try to tell ourselves that it's okay—but there are times I battle with myself. The idea that my hands, my actions have marred a single spot of your flesh makes me cringe—_

_Which is worse? My self-loathing or the depression I drive you to? _

_Please, for my sanity and for your health—don't isolate from your family. They can help you. Each and everything I've left with you was chosen with you in mind. Trying to think of what would bring a smile to your face and lessen the pain of my leaving._

_Never doubt my feelings or my love. I want to be there and hold you tight. Be the one who makes it better. But more important than my desires is your needs. And you need your family._

_Yours—Edward _


	43. Chapter 42: Apologize

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

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Chapter 42

Apologize

Bella quickly realized he had been right. His simple note was the key. It unlocked the door she had shut tightly because of her depression and his leaving. She slowly explained the various things he had given her.

His dress shirt—the same one he had worn when she drove to Port Angeles only two nights ago. Bella's amusement and slight disbelief apparent when she explained how it smelled like him.

A movie—and not just any but her favorite movie. Surprisingly, Bella had never seen it. So they planned to watch it the next day.

The plastic case which held a homemade CD was equivalent to a mix tape from years ago—it was the epitome of expressing your feelings to someone you cared about. Something that both girls had been too young to fully experience but the sentiment behind it was sweet and thoughtful.

Soft pink camouflage was the next item—and both of them somehow recognized it for the joke it was meant to be. Leah couldn't believe that he had walked into the _As Seen on TV Store_, much less bought something from there. As it wasn't packaged they weren't sure which one it was but it was a Snuggie or Slanket.

Several small boxes of chocolate—all wrapped in gold boxes with hand-tied shimmering gold ribbons and bows. It was a well-known fact that a good chocolate was as good, if not better than sex for one's mood.

Lastly, there was a dark purple leather bound journal. Each page offering a small verse which Leah decided were prompts she could use to express her feelings as she experienced this summer. Relearning where she fit into her family—mending fences and even forgiving Paul.

They couldn't help but giggle over his gifts. The laughing fit shared between them had Leah feeling a bit lighter and stronger. They were cheesy but perfect. Things that showed how well he truly knew her and strangely enough it got her thinking about Paul. He had done the same things—well, not exactly the same. But he had at one time known her so well that he, too, found ways to cheer her up or show her how much he cared.

Her stomach rumbled and interrupted her musings. Bella offered to make her something and she accepted; taking the time to take a shower. Edward's shirt and a pair of Bella's sleep shorts became her pajamas for the night.

After showering and putting on the clothes, she stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes had the faintest sparkle to them and the creases in her face she had glimpsed earlier had smoothed out. She worked a comb through her tangled hair and proceeded to braid it.

When she left the bathroom, she ran into her brother. Her body crashing into his larger frame as she hadn't noticed him standing there. She was momentarily shocked—not from his actions but his words.

His arms wrapped around her, "I'm sorry, Leah. I wish I didn't listen to Sam. If Edward's your choice—I have to respect that. I don't know why I jumped to conclusions but Bella set us all straight tonight at dinner. I just worry about you."

As he finished his speech, his arms loosened and they stood there staring at each other. "It's alright. I know none of you meant anything by it but you can't do that ever again. I'm an adult now and I get to make my own choices and mistakes. I don't need everyone hovering over me. Not anymore."

He sighed, "I know. It's hard to see how grown-up you are. I still see the little girl with pigtails who followed me and my friends around and begged us to play princess with her."

"I'm still that same person, Seth. I'll always be your little sister—the only difference is I'm older and wiser now."

"You know we're all sorry that we didn't tell you—you know, about Paul and Amelia."

She nodded. As much as she didn't want to, she knew why they had hidden it from her. She wanted to believe that she would have still come home but the voice in her head told her that she was kidding herself. The knowledge would have been the final wedge in her relationship with her family.

"You were right—I don't think I would have come home if I knew."


	44. Chapter 43: Home

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

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Chapter 43

Home

Bella was familiar with comfort foods. After Jake cheated on her, cooking and food became a comfort for her. In fact, her attraction to comfort foods preceded Jake's betrayal. Living with Renee meant things weren't always perfect—the rough times far exceeded the good times.

As a teacher Renee always had a stable source of income so they rarely wanted for the essentials of life. But Renee wasn't a stable person. She was a modern-day gypsy; always moving from one thing to the next. There was always a new guy or new adventure.

And Bella—she wasn't against adventure but she wanted and craved stability. When her mom met Phil, she thought that was what she would finally have. Phil was responsible and seemed to be able to curtail some of Renee's wilder inclinations. But it wasn't meant to be.

Her reasons for moving to Forks weren't entirely self-sacrificing. She may have told her mom that it was what she wanted but—the truth was she wanted a place to call _home_. She hated Forks growing up—the small town life, the rain, her dad's preoccupation with outdoor activities which always included more rain and mud.

She told herself during the entire plane ride—it was only for a year and a half. She would weather the gloominess of Forks and her dad's stoic nature until graduation. Then she would finally be able to leave—she dreamt of attending college somewhere warm and sunny but not so often that her pale, tanless skin didn't fit in. Somewhere in the world there was a place where she could fit in and become who she always wanted to be.

Things didn't turn out how she expected. Charlie's stoic nature was much more welcoming than she expected. He didn't make her life about his and allowed her to make mistakes. Renee was—there just weren't words to describe her mom. Thinking of her mom's style of parenting—or lack thereof, made her anxious and break out in hives.

And she had made so many friends since moving her. Surprisingly, she wasn't an outcast. Instead the people of Forks welcomed her and though there interest the first few weeks was unnerving—it tapered off. And even though, the memory of her and Jake was painful—she was grateful she had experienced love and heartbreak.

Finally those sorrow-filled songs on the radio and the books of prose she loved to read made sense. Her dad was able to give her the stability and home she longed for. And when he married Sue, she got the siblings she had missed out on growing up. Sue was only her stepmom—but she felt so much more important than that. She would never say it out loud but she wished her mom was more like Sue.

When Jake broke her heart—Renee wanted her to do a cleanse and realign her chakras. Sue held her while she cried and made her favorite foods. Charlie threatened to shoot Jake. And both Seth and Paul found ways to tease her mercilessly. Their actions meant to make her smile and they were effective. Lastly, Leah became her sister in truth while they commiserated over their disastrous love lives.

She had never realized what a family or a home meant until she came to Forks. It was the best decision she had ever made. And it was the very reason why she was going to do her best to convince Leah that she belonged with her family. Even if that meant welcoming Edward into it.


	45. Chapter 44: When I Look at You

**The Twilight Series belongs to S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing with the characters.**

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Chapter 44

When I Look at You

Leah slept amazingly well. It was probably a combination of factors—the delightfully sinful sandwich Bella had made for her. Who knew Bella's true talents lay in the kitchen—the BLT was like sex to her tastebuds. Then there was the strawberry soda Charlie had purchased for her as a way of apology. Her mom had baked brownie cookies which were topped with only green M&M's. To this day she couldn't eat the other colors—they didn't taste right.

Once her hunger was satisfied, she and Bella lay on the bed and talked. Their conversation was on more than just Edward. It had been years since Leah had a sleepover and Bella never experienced one. The more tired they got, the sillier their conversation turned; both becoming prone to fits of giggles.

When they finally fell into slumber, Leah felt relaxed. Her worries and anxieties falling away—it didn't matter that she was scared for the future. She had Bella—and time to make things right with her family. He was right; the decision he had made was for the best.

When she woke up in the morning, she wondered if Sam knew what he was getting into. Shivering she tugged on the blanket but Bella's hold on it was too strong. Whether it was from her actions or just a normal thing for Bella; Bella started talking.

"Too green…black," Bella muttered. "No…so green…wet…cold."

_What the hell was she dreaming about_, Leah mused.

She tried closing her eyes and getting a bit more sleep but after being kicked by Bella for the fiftieth time she gave up. The bruise that was sure to find on her leg was growing by the second. Getting up, she pilfered clothing from Bella. Though they weren't close to the same height, she found a pair of sweats and a tee-shirt that fit well enough.

As she walked to the kitchen she heard voices. Entering she found her brother and Angela were making breakfast. Her mom and Charlie were sitting at the table drinking coffee. She stood there shyly; remembering her avoidance of them the day before.

Her mom glanced up first, noticing her. Sue got up and walked to her and hugged her. Her lips brushing her cheek as she asked, "Feeling better this morning?

"Yeah, I'm sorry. We had discussed taking a break but talking and actually doing it were two different things," she explained. It was the closest thing to the truth she could tell them.

Charlie apologized in his own stoic way, "Edward seems like a nice young man. This break doesn't have anything to do with the other night?"

"No," she replied, shaking her head. "It's better this way so that I can…well, I know things could be better between me and the family."

It wasn't long before both her mom and Charlie left for work. The weekend had officially ended and they were going back to their daily grind. It was a reminder that her time here was slowly slipping away; and it wasn't that she wouldn't be back to visit but this was an opportunity to make things better so those visits wouldn't be difficult.

Bella joined them soon after and the four of them enjoyed breakfast. Leah was surprised her brother knew how to cook. But apparently Angela had a wide repertoire of skills and she expected Seth to help out, sharing the tasks evenly. In fact after breakfast he gathered the dishes up without a word of complaint and loaded them into the dishwasher.

Their peace was interrupted by the arrival of Sam, Paul, and Amelia. Shutting herself in Bella's room for an entire day meant she had missed out on hearing the plans for the day. Amelia ran into the kitchen, a whirlwind of activity and motion. They were going fishing for the day and despite Amelia loving to do things with her papa; she was excited to spend time with her auntie Bells.

Angela looked torn—Seth obviously desired her company but Leah noticed how her nose wrinkled at the thought of sitting in a boat all day long. She decided to intervene. It was one step to getting to know her family all over again and it was more than apparent that Angela was going to be part of it.

"Seth, can't Angie stay here with us? I've barely gotten to know her and you two are leaving tomorrow for Port Angeles. Plus, I can't be sure but I think Paul gave Mia a cup or two of sugar for breakfast this morning. It might take all three of us to keep her tamed."

Amelia giggled, "You're funny, Leah. I had pamcakes and sausage."

She raised an eyebrow in Paul's direction. "See, I was right. Bet you didn't know I remember your weakness for syrupy goodness."

It became a girl's day. They watched Amelia's favorite shows and played with her toys. When she laid down for a nap; the three of them discussed Bella and Sam's wedding. Bella had finally decided the color was going to be salmon. It was the perfect payback for Sam's behavior a few nights ago and the fact he had tattled on Leah to her brother.

When the conversation turned to sex, Leah frowned. "I don't want to know—I really don't. For one thing, Seth is my brother and Sam—I practically see him as my brother too."

Angela blushed but the small satisfied smirk that appeared for a moment said it all. Bella wasn't so willing to let it go. "Come on, I'll bet you have some things to share or some recommendations," she goaded with a wink and a nudge.

"Humph."

"Aww, come on, Leah. Just one little tiny secret? Pretend like we're just some friends from school or work—we don't know _your brothers_."

Against her better judgment she shared. Angela looked like she was taking notes in her head and Bella started taking actual notes. At some point she threw a pillow at her stepsister.

"What happens when someone finds that piece of paper," she grizzled.

"No one's going to find it."

The conversation was interrupted by Amelia's small voice, "Are we going to play hide and seek?"

The trio laughed and Leah couldn't help herself. She went over to her and picked her up. Kissing her cheek, she replied, "Nope. But how about lunch and then we'll watch a movie."

Lunch was an easy affair. She was finding children were easily pleased with simple foods. Afterwards they headed back out to the living room and put in the movie Edward had given her. Surprisingly Leah was the only one who had seen it. It made her wonder if Angela and Bella had lived under a rock until now. They hadn't even read the book.

It was a story her father had read to her over and over when she was little girl. When she found out there was a more recent film adaptation than the Shirley Temple one—she was hooked. Even Paul had watched the film a few times with her and she would never tell anyone but he cried like a baby at more than one part.

Almost naturally Amelia snuggled into her side. Angela was curled up on the recliner with a blanket covering her. And it hadn't even gotten to the heart wrenching part yet but Bella was sniffling.

It was how Paul, Seth, and Sam found them late that afternoon. The four of them in tears; Leah knew what was coming all along but the rest of them had no idea. At the first sight of Paul, Amelia jumped off her lap and ran over to him.

"Papa, you'll never go away will you? Promise me."

He picked her up; his eyes meeting Leah's over the top of his daughter's head. He would never understand why this was her go to movie when she was upset. He had never cried until she made him watch it.

"Shove over, petal," he said to her as he sat down on the couch next to her.

Both Sam and Seth followed suit—Sam picking up Bella and somehow he managed not to grimace as she wiped her face and subsequently her nose on his shirt. While Angela launched herself at Seth and the two of them stumbled back over to the chair.

"I can't believe you've done this to them."

"What," she asked the effect of her raised eyebrow ruined by her tear-streaked face.

"You know what."

"It's a classic," she defended. "You love this movie."

"Hardly but it was your favorite so I didn't have much choice, did I?"

"Nope," she agreed with a smile and a pat on his thigh.


End file.
